3 out of 10
Released: 27 August 2010
Director: Imran Navqi
Cast: Tamer Hassan, Simon Phillips, Daisy Head, Sebastian Street, John Mawson, Rita Ramnani with Danny Dyer and Ronan Vibert
Writer: John Stanley
Trailer: THE LAST SEVEN
Will there ever be a good Tamer Hassan / Danny Dyer movie ever again? Judging from this, I’m in for a long wait. Should I go to their rescue with a script that frees them from bollocks like this? I’m hankering for the now cult flick The Business of course. I think that was their 2nd film together but since then there have been about six or seven. Everytime I see one I give it a look hoping to be entertained once more. Sadly it looks like The Business was the pinnacle of this fetid partnershit. I mean partnership. Nick Love, please bail them out! Well on to the film in question which isn’t that offensive. It’s just (sigh)…. well read on.
It’s probably safe for me to say that this can be filed alongside Dead Cert and Devil’s Playground in the lame British sci-fi horror box. The Last Seven is an intially intriguing riff on The Quiet Earth and Jacob’s Ladder but swiftly descends into unintentional hilarity and boredom. Twist and turns in the plot are telegraphed by an overwrought soundtrack and a sluggish pace that enables the viewers to be streets ahead of any of the characters. The acting is a very mixed bag, it ranges from terrible to OK. Nobody involved stands out, the script handcuffs their roles to trudinging around some empty streets for what makes the running time seem like a day.
The plot involves seven people, seemingly connected somehow, who awake in the financial district of London to find that they are very much alone in the world. As they try to unravel the mystery they are picked off one by one by the “angel of death”, ludicrously played by Danny Dyer (THE TRENCH) dressed in a bloodstained blindfold and a leather jacket. Luckily the most annoying and worst actor is picked off first. I was hoping proceedings would improve after that but sadly this under cooked bore of a sci-fi shuffles along to its sorry and easy to guess conclusion. We see Tamer Hassan (THE REVEREND – 2012) swear a lot and bicker with the other strandees. The lead Simon Phillips (JACK SAYS) adds some shade to a one dimensional role and his is the closest to a good performance here. A low budget is no excuse for a film to be as dull as this though. Take Exam, Cube, Storage 24 or Moon by comparison. All you need are confident actors, a good idea, a brilliant script, all of which are missing in action on this occassion.
To sum up, The Last Seven is a missed opportunity for what could have been a tense little horror movie. It’s mostly let down by a dreadful script that strands the inexperienced actors and leaves them bumbling around one of the dullest parts of London. There are no standout performances although Tamer Hassan is more subdued than you’d expect considering the situation his character is in. The villain is crap, this must rank as one of Danny Dyer’s worst performance and he doesn’t even have any word! In the DVD extras the actors praise the script as being totally out of this world, original and mind blowing. Mind numbing more like. One of out of favour director M Night Shymalyan’s (THE SIXTH SENSE) poos could write something better than this brain dead drivel. Film entertainment at it’s dullest. Oh yeah and what was that really silly coda all about? Actually, who cares?
3 out of 10 – Angels of Death? I sh*t ’em….
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT PERSON IN BEFORE?
- Tamer Hassan: Breakdown (2015), Robot Overlords, Diamond Heist, The Double (2012), Freerunner, The Reverend (2012), Kick Ass, Dead Man Running, Jack Falls, The Hike, Cass, Goal 3, Sucker Punch (2008), City Rats, Eastern Promises, The Business, The Football Factory, The Calcium Kid
- Simon Phillips: Dystopia (TV), No Easy Days (TV), The Disappearance of Lenka Wood, The Last Scout, Meet The Firm – White Collar Hooligan 3, Shame The Devil, The Hooligan Wars, Dangerous Mind of a Hooligan, He Who Dares, Essex Boys Retribution, White Collar Hooligan 2, Fall of the Essex Boys, UFO (2013), The Rise and Fall Of a White Collar Hooligan, Strippers Vs. Werewolves, Airborne, Offender, Bonded By Blood, The Reverend (2012), Ghosted, How to Stop Being a Loser, Kill Keith, Jack Says, Jack Said, Jack Falls, The Last Seven, Just For The Record, Stagger, Risen, Cut
- Sebastian Street: Erasure, Kill Kane, Tomorrow (2016), Age of Kill, Airborne (2012), Victim, The Age Of Heroes, Jack Falls, Stag Night Of The Dead
- Rita Ramnani: The Last Scout, A Dark Reflection, Abducted, Meet The Firm – White Collar Hooligan 3, He Who Dares, White Collar Hooligan 2, Rise and Fall Of a White Collar Hooligan, Strippers Vs Werewolves, Airborne (2012), How To Stop Being a Loser, Jack Falls, Jack Said, Jack Says, Just For the Record, Umbrage- The First Vampire
- Danny Dyer: Vendetta 2, Eastenders (TV), Assassin (2015), Blood Shot, The Hooligan Factory, Vendetta, Plebs (TV), Run For Your Wife, Deviation, Freerunner, The Age Of Heroes, 7Lives, Basement, Pimp, Malice In Wonderland, Just For The Record, Dead Man Running, Jack Said, Dead Cert, The Devil’s Playground, City Rats, Doghouse, Adulthood, Straightheads, Outlaw (2007), Severance, The Other Half, The Business, The Football Factory, Borstal Boy, Wasp (short), Mean Machine, High Heels and Low Lifes, Goodbye Charlie Bright, Greenfingers, The Trench, Human Traffic
- Ronan Vibert: Saving Mr Banks, The Borgias (TV), Rome (TV), Shadow Of The Vampire