4 out of 10
Release Date: 31st August 2012
Director: Matthias Hoene
Cast: Harry Treadaway, Rasmus Hardiker, Michelle Ryan, Ashley Thomas, Jack Doolan, Georgia King, Dudley Sutton, Tony Gardner, Georgina Hale, Tony Selby, Phil Cornwell, Gary Beadle with Richard Briers, Honor Blackman, Dexter Fletcher and Alan Ford
Writer: James Moran & Lucas Roche
Trailer:COCKNEYS vs. ZOMBIES
READ JOE PESCI’S REVIEW AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE TOO!
I’m a bit disappointed with Cockneys Vs. Zombies in that the trailer made it look like so much fun. Maybe it’s because it’s arrived so late in the Zombie movie cycle and that it suffers by comparison to the king of Zom-Coms, Shaun Of The Dead. It also has to line up behind Peter Jackson’s Braindead or the American, Zombie Land. It’s a case of the trailer containing all the best jokes as well. The trailer is hilarious but there are no funnier gags in the film if any. The cast are certainly game and the Zombie make up is up to spec but the whole thing feels scrappy and loose. Cockneys Vs. Zombies needed to come along earlier or when Zombies have at last receded from pop-culture for it to stand out. The title is even borrowed / knicked from last spring’s Strippers Vs. Werewolves, another East End horror comedy that had more ideas than money. Strippers was certainly scrappier than this but it was heaps funnier and more creative. The casting of old TV favourites though is very inspired and it’s good to see the likes of Honor Blackman (JAMES BOND – GOLDFINGER) and Dudley Sutton (ORLANDO) tool up and serve zombie ass. Richard Briers (RUN FOR YOUR WIFE) shows up for a bit too and he is just great, cast against type. He has the best gag of the film involving a zimmer frame (see the TRAILER).
The plot as it stands begins with a black plague tomb being unearthed by property developers led by Phil Cornwell (STELLA STREET). They get bitten by some zombies and so it goes. Meanwhile, two brothers (RASMUS HARDIKER – YOUR HIGHNESS) and (HARRY TREDAWAY – CITY OF EMBER) and a group of their friends are in the process of robbing a bank to raise money to save an old peoples’ home from said property barons. The brothers’ Granddad, a sweary old gangster played by Alan Ford (JACK FALLS) lives there. The hordes of zombies hamper their progress in forming a rescue for the oldies and so on.
The supporting cast are made up of Michelle Ryan (HUGE) (well cast at last!), Ashley Thomas (SHANK) (reliable), Georgia King (ONE DAY) and Jack Doolan (CEMETERY JUNCTION). They bring a lot of energy to their slim parts but I guess there’s only so much character development you can expect in a zombie flick. The script is mainly comprised of exchanges that go something like “RARGHH”, “HE’S BEHIND YOU, YOU SILLY C*NT!*, BANG <- a gunshot. As Alan Ford says in the extras, “it’s not Chekhov“!
4 out of 10 – It’s still fun but just pretend it’s the first zombie film you’ve ever seen and it’ll be amazing. Like I say, there’s not much wrong with it. More jokes, a scarier lead up (other than Eastenders‘ alumni Gary Beadle (THE COMIC STRIP PRESENTS) getting his face munched to funny effect) and some invention would have set it ahead of the pack. I think it’s just happy to coast along in the middle though. If you’re looking for a little horror-com that can, try Stitches!
WHAT HAVE IS SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Harry Treadaway: Honeymoon, The Lone Ranger (2013), Albatross, The Disappeared, Fish Tank, City Of Ember, Control, Brothers Of The Head
- Rasmus Hardiker: Your Highness, Huge, Magicians, I Want Candy
- Michelle Ryan: The Man Inside (2012), Cleanskin, Huge, 4-3-2-1, Love’s Kitchen, Cashback, Wonder Woman (TV), Eastenders (TV),
- Ashley Thomas: Brotherhood, A Hundred Streets, Top Boy (TV), My Brother The Devil, The Man Inside (2012), Shank, The Veteran, 4-3-2-1
- Jack Doolan: Rules of the Game, It’s a Lot, Green Street 3, The Facility, May I Kill U? Demons Never Die, Cemetery Junction
- Georgia King: Austenland, One Day, Chalet Girl, Tormented, St Trinians 2
- Dudley Sutton: Tin, Fall of An Empire, Outside Bet, The Shouting Men, Lovejoy (TV), Dean Spanley, Eastenders (TV), The Football Factory, The Tichborne Claimant, Incognito (1997), Orlando, Edward II, The Rainbow, The Devils, The London Connection, The Pink Panther Strikes Again, The Leather Boys
- Tony Gardner: The Thick Of It (TV), Lead Balloon (TV)
- Georgina Hale: Angel (2015), T-Bag (TV), McVicar, The Watcher In The Woods, The Boy Friend, The Devils
- Tony Selby: Love Hurts (TV), Dr Who (TV), Adolf Hitler – My Part In His Downfall, Villain
- Phil Cornwell: Alan Partridge – Alpha Papa, Made In Dagenham, Churchill – The Hollywood Years, Dead Ringers (TV), Stella Street (TV), I’m Alan Partridge (TV), The Comic Strip Presents…(TV)
- Gary Beadle: In The Heart of the Sea, Bashment, Fit, Malice In Wonderland, Eastenders (TV), The Comic Strip Presents…(TV), Making Out (TV), Operation Good Guys (TV), Absolute Beginners
- Richard Briers: Run For Your Wife, As You Like It (2006), Monarch Of The Glen (TV), Roobarb (voice – TV), Peter Pan (2003), Love’s Labours Lost, Spice World, Hamlet (1996), In The Bleak Midwinter, Frankenstein (1994), Much Ado About Nothing, Peter’s Friends, Henry V, A Chorus Of Disapproval, All In Good Faith (TV), Dr Who (TV), The Good Life (TV), Watership Down (voice)
- Honor Blackman: I Anna, Reuniting The Rubins, Bridget Jones’ Diary, The Upper Hand (TV), Dr Who (TV), James Bond – Goldfinger, The Avengers (TV)
- Dexter Fletcher: Eddie The Eagle (dir), Age of Kill, The Coven, Muppets Most Wanted, Sunshine On Leith (dir), St. George’s Day, Wild Bill (2012) (dir),The Three Musketeers (2011), Everywhere + Nowhere, Kick Ass, Jack Falls, Dead Cert, Baseline, Stardust, Below, Layer Cake, Doom, Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, The Rachel Papers, The Raggedy Rawney, Caravaggio, Press Gang (TV),
- Alan Ford: A Hitman In London, The Smoke, The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared, The Sweeney Movie, Airborne (2012), Strippers Vs. Werewolves, Jack Falls, Dead Man Running, Snatch, Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, Exorcist: The Beginning, The Long Good Friday