3 out of 10
Release Date: 27th January 2009 (DVD Premiere)
Cast: Brendan Carr, Keith Eyles, John Rackham, Ben Shockley, John Campbell-Mac, Jason Lee Hyde, PL Hobden, Lee Latchford-Evans, Rob Freeman, Tommy Gerald, Earl Ling with Glenn Salvage, Cecily Fay, Silvio Simac and Pooja Shah also Jason Maza, Terry Stone and Doug Bradley (as The Narrator)
Writer: PL Hobden and Ross Boyask
Trailer: TEN DEAD MEN
Ten Dead Men is probably the scrappiest action thriller I’ve ever seen. You can see that the makers put a lot of effort into recreating their favourite ‘ten beers and a curry specials’. Sadly, imitation is not always the sincerest form of flattery, it can be an embarrassment. But Ten Dead Men isn’t all bad. Let’s talk about the good bits once I’ve told you the plot, which can be summed up in two sentences.
SPOILERS AHOY! Former gang enforcer, Ryan (BRENDAN CARR – WARRIORESS) has left a life of crime behind him, but an old favour needs honouring and it gets his girlfriend (POOJA SHAH – CASH AND CURRY) killed. Ryan sets off on a mission of vengeance to kill the ten men responsible. Told you, two sentences and the second one was really short too.
The fighting and choreography is way above average and a lot better than I was expecting going into this movie. I’m told these sequences were actually directed by an uncredited fight director Jude Poyer, so what is main director Ross Boyask actually ‘good for’? Nothing but at least there is a raison d’etre for seeing ‘his’ film in the first place. The makers contacted several athletes and martial artists and told them to fight, then they they threw in an extra £20 for them to say some lines. They clearly ran out of money for the leading man because he has NO lines. Well, maybe one, come to think of it. Then in post production someone put in a tenner to get Doug Bradley (HELLRAISER) to do one of the stupidest narrations in the history of cinema. In that the plot is over simplistic, it still runs along at a fair old clip and is enlivened by two cameos from “name” actors – who in these guys’ company come across like Ralph Fiennes and Sir Laurence Olivier. Step forward Terry Stone (RISE OF THE FOOTSOLDIER) and Jason Maza (THE HOOLIGAN FACTORY) who show the rest of the cast what this acting game is all about. Terry Stone plays a barely onscreen Mr Big, who snarls and says “c*nt” a lot, and Jason Maza is a Mr Fix It from Belgium who brings in a death squad near the end to take out Ryan (hahaha, Ryan!) Jason Maza gets his dick shot off but still manages to convince us that at least one of the cast has been to acting school, where as the majority of the slow deaths on offer in the film are hilarious. Check out Ben Shockley’s (VENDETTA) reaction to getting his ankle sliced! Also there is a wicked fight scene with a dominatrix (CECILIA FAY – WARRIORESS) which is worth sitting down for. Rent-a-hench, Silvio Simac from Transporter 3 and the Undisputed cycle is treated like cameo royalty with a showcase fight at the end. Where he turned up from storywise is a mystery. Maybe he was one of Jason Maza‘s crew, but I don’t know. We also get the wonderful Glenn Salvage (THE DEAD – AFRICA) for a dope fight scene too. Joe Pesci II loves this dude.
It’s probably the most action packed movie to be made in Brighton since Quadrophenia, and I have to say that the ‘one on one’ martial arts fights are great, choppily edited and the one reason to watch this little movie. The script and acting are terrible throughout (Messrs Stone and Maza excepted) and the plot has no surprises. A lot of the dialogue (especially the narration) are unintentionally hilarious and completely moronic. Even the comedy hitmen, who bicker about the benefits of driving a Smart Car are completely out of wack with the rest of the film because they are unfunny.
Brendan Carr the leading man is a brooding lunk head who, actually can fight his way out of a paper bag but why is he collecting random body parts of his foes though? He carries them around in a cellophane bag like a big of sweets. Pity poor former ‘Steps‘ member too (LEE LATCHFORD EVANS – CASH AND CURRY) in another wordless cameo. Once famous for his voice, now he gets strangled with a seat belt. Poor bugger.
3 out of 10 – Ten Dead Men is not a complete loss, but it’s still pretty poor. Worth watching for some very good fight scenes and absolutely nothing else.
review BELOW by Joe Pesci II…. V
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Brendan Carr: Warrioress
- John Rackham: Warrioress, Left For Dead
Keith Eyles: Warrioress, Bad Day
- Ben Shockley: Death (2014), Vendetta, The Shouting Men, Bad Day
- Lee Latchford Evans: The Rizen, Cash and Curry, ‘Steps’ Reunion, ‘Steps’ To The Stars
- Silvio Simac: Tranzit 17, Man of Tai Chi, Transporter 3, DOA – Dead Or Alive, Undisputed 2
- Cecilia Fay: Warrioress
- Rob Freeman: The Dead – Africa
- Earl Ling: Evil Never Dies, Stagger
- Glenn Salvage: Never Let Go, Footsoldier (voice), The Dead – Africa, Underground (2008), The Silencer, Left For Dead
- Pooja Shah: Gone Too Far, The Hooligan Wars, Cash and Curry, Eastenders (TV), Bend It Like Beckham
- Jason Maza: Brotherhood, Angel (2015), #Legacy, The Hooligan Factory, Traveller, Little Deaths, Get Lucky, Welcome To The Punch, The Knot, Truth or Dare, The Man Inside (2012), Outside Bet, Demons Never Die, Anuvahood, KickOff, Fit, Fish Tank, Shifty, Rise Of The Footsoldier, Hush Your Mouth, Life and Lyrics
- Terry Stone: Away, Bonded By Blood 2, Plastic, Get Lucky, Outside Bet, Anuvahood, The Holding, Bonded By Blood, Shank, Jack Said, Doghouse, Unarmed and Dangerous, Rise Of The Foot Soldier, Rollin’ With The Nines, Hell To Pay
- Doug Bradley: Shame The Devil, Wrong Turn 5, The Reverend (2012), Jack Falls, Umbrage- The First Vampire, An Ideal Husband, The Cottage, Proteus, Hellraiser 4, Hellraiser 3, Hellraiser 2, Hellraiser