3 out of 10
Release Date: 13th September 2010 (DVD Premiere)
Cast: Isabella Calthorpe, Gemma Atkinson, Joshua Bowman, Tom Felton, Gabriel Thomson, Peter Gadiot, Antony DeLiseo, Sue Scadding, Cornelius Clarke with John Lynch and Simon MacCorkindale
Writer: Adam Phillips
To be proofread: 13HRs (known as Night Wolf everywhere else in the world) is a solid if unremarkable, low budget horror flick about a werewolf. Our heroine Sarah (ISABELLA CALTHORPE) returns for the USA to visit her family who live in a stately pile. Step-father Duncan (SIMON MACCORKINDALE – JAWS 3) takes an early night and the proverbial early bath after a nice bit of expositional pre-amble. Then we’re introduced to Sarah’s half brothers, two of their mates and her female best friend, Emily (GEMMA ATKINSON – HOLLYOAKS). Once the writer and the actors have established what a gang boring and obnoxious hooray henry non-entities most of them are, the plot of having them whittled down in repetitive lupine / posh c*nt interfaces commences.
13HRs is competent and the makers are definitely aware of its limits as a piece of entertainment. Wisely the werewolf is kept in the shadows or we view several of the prowler and slayer shots from the beast’s POV view red sunglasses. The slayings are oddly stunted, so the gore is surprisingly reluctant to splatter around all that much. Having said that, I think this is because they spend the majority of the budget on a splendidly rendered early victim’s corpse. Pity poor old John Lynch (THE HOT POTATO) and Tom Felton (ANNA AND THE KING) who get to say “Whoargh, what’s that?” before getting splatted and a two second shot of their demise through said groovy ski glasses. Tom Felton puts in a bizarrely energetic performance given his usual balsa wood specials in Harry Potter and Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. So it was a vague shame when his character met an early end. Out of the leads, only Calthorpe and Atkinson (the girls) put in good performances. The remaining four boys are stiffs and are about as useless in a crisis as a dead Bruce Willis. A telling scene shows three of the boys cowering behind a wall whilst Calthorpe bravely tries to look inside an abandoned police car. These men characters are dreadful and cardboard. The non-role of big bad brother has fallen to the worst actor in the film , who is Peter Gadiot? Take a bow wherever you are you ham! He plays a rancid character with misdirected vim and his method is ripe. He submits a terrible performance that hampers a lot of the good folk done by the two feisty female leads.
The dialogue is hard to comment on, as there’s not an awful lot of it for the majority of the running time, as it’s made up of “run” and “arghhh!” There are some stinkers though e.g.; “I’ll be back for you!” “Does that come with a guarantee?” “I come with a lifetime guarantee!” Bleurgh. The makers missed a trick by not having that dull hooray henry bitten in two by our hairy antagonist (the werewolf)! There are no surprises. The only twist was given away by Joe Pesci II in the counter review below, and I must add that its not revealed until the end, so thanks Ewok Breath! Not that 13HRs was any good. It wasn’t that bad though either. It was just predictable, boring (I fell asleep three times trying to watch it, and I took to sitting down to see it twice.
3 out of 10 – Confidently made, mixed acting abilities, nice cameos from Simon MacCorkindale, John Lynch and Tom Felton, nicely lensed but boring pacing and no tension whatsoever scupper this particular werewolf flick. It even employs the endurance of the curse twist which seems to be a jail-able offence if filmmakers miss it out. However, for the extremely undemanding viewer it’s not quite the ‘howler’ I was expecting. If you like wolves stick with The Grey!
See Joe Pesci’s review below!!! mu-hahahahaa!!
WHAT HAVE IS SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Gemma Atkinson: Night Of The Living 3D Dead, The Dyatlov Pass Incident, Airborne, How To Stop Being a Loser, Baseline, Hollyoaks (TV)
- Joshua Bowman: Level Up, So Undercover, Revenge (TV)
- Tom Felton: Message From The King, Stratton, A United Kingdom, Against The Sun, In Secret, Belle, Rise Of The Planet of The Apes, Get Him To The Greek, The Disappeared, Harry Potter – parts 1 to 8, Anna and The King, The Borrowers (1997)
- Gabriel Thomson: My Family (TV), Enemy At The Gates
- John Lynch: Detour, Scintilla, Private Peaceful, The Hot Potato, Ghosted, Black Death, The Tournament, Isolation, Sliding Doors, The Secret Of Roan Inish, The Secret Garden (1993), In The Name Of The Father, Angel Baby, The Tournament, Best, This Is The Sea, Some Mother’s Son, Moll Flanders (1996), Nothing Personal, Princess Caraboo, Edward II, Hardware, Cal
- Simon MacCorkindale: A Closed Book, Casualty (TV), Falcon Crest (TV), Manimal (TV), Jaws 3, Quatermass (TV), Death On The Nile