WHITE COLLAR HOOLIGAN 2

5.5. out of 10

Release Date: 20th May 2013 (DVD Premiere)

Director: Paul Tanter (The Disappearance of Lenka Wood / He Who Dares 2 Meet The Firm – White Collar Hooligan 3 / Shame The Devil / The Hooligan Wars He Who Dares / Essex Boys Retribution / Fall of the Essex Boys / Rise of the White Collar Hooligan / Jack Falls)

Cast:  Nick Nevern, Simon Phillips, Rita Ramnani, Peter Barrett, Tom Benedict Knight, Tony Denham, Neil Large, Ewan Ross, Pablo Olewski and Vas Blackwood

Writer: Paul Tanter

Trailer: WHITE COLLAR HOOLIGAN 2

With more twists than a constipated snake and an expressive need for a viewer with the capacity  to suspend colossal amounts of disbelief. These demands still don’t hamper the amount of enjoyment to be had in this caper of a sequel to last year’s (2012)  Rise Of The White Collar Hooligan.  Opening up the scale of the original dramatically to take in trips to the Costa Del Sol in Spain and New York, the story first takes time to re-establish the main characters, Mike Jacobs (NICK NEVERN – TURNOUT) and Katie (RITA RAMNANI – THE LAST SEVEN), who are still in the witness protection scheme after the events at the end of the first film.  They get recognised by the criminal element at a football game in Spain and Katie is held ransom whilst Mike has four days to repay all the money he and the missing Eddie (SIMON PHILLIPS – CUT) stole.  Failure to pay will get her blasted. Then we have a globe trotting, double crossing, (at times) inappropriately funny caper that is a lot of fun but doesn’t stand up to scrutiny on reflection. Oh yeah, and it’s still not all that concerned with either football or hooliganism. But who cares?

White Collar Hooligan 2 is still a welcome sequel though because it taps back into the effortless vibe of the first film. Where Paul Tanter and his crew floundered in the recent Fall Of The Essex Boys was with a bunch of stiff and uneven performances. With this film there is an easy going approach to the material and an above average script to power this sequel and concerns that the good work in number one went unfounded.  I can’t give a reason for the difference in quality between the WCH films and the other Chata / Press On films being that they share a lot of the same personnel. Nick Nevern and Simon Phillips return to their best characters and the roles fit them well. The small dips into ‘buddy’ comedy are a bit forced at times, but there are still some sharp lines in there.  The supporting cast are lively and well cast too. Tony Denham (VENDETTA) puts some shade to his henchman and his partner in crime  Neil Large (ILL MANORS) could be a character actor of the future. He’s been better elsewhere but he’s still an interesting actor. The amazingly stiff Ewan Ross from Fall Of The Essex Boys fares way better in a smaller but similar role here, so maybe it was just the material in the afore mentioned that pole-axed him, so I take back my comments about planks and empty bottles of urine for now.  The always reliable Vas Blackwood (CREEP) enjoys an extended cameo as a safe cracker simply known as ‘The Pro’ too.

The plot zig-zags around and seems to be proceeding randomly with one intent to entertain and to bamboozle (that’s two!).  Logic and reality has been abandoned in this sequel, so that’s why it doesn’t quite hit the heights of part one. But it does retain the great cast, a thoughtful script (to begin with) and a breakneck plot.  The ending is great too. I loved the way that the narration and the visual couldn’t disagree more. Believe me, it’s a very strong and mischievous ending.  If there is a part three you can count me in, but the writers need to remember that the characters are the strongest element and to keep on taking time to build them convincingly, and to forget about trying to up the ante with dopey ‘out-of-this-world’ plot twists.

5.5 out of 10 – An enjoyable but exceedingly stoopid sequel with a mad plot. It retains just about all of the positive aspects from the first film, so fans shouldn’t be at all disappointed. Check in your capacity for disbelief at the door though. It has more stamina than the last three Die Hard movies, without the stunts or SFX. Just don’t expect a film about football hooligans. This has nothing to do with either.

Now read Matt Usher aka Joe Pesci II’s hilarious and sometime cruel (only if you’re name’s Nick Nevern, Paul Tanter, Simon Phillips or Tom Benedict Chimp)  review BELOW…

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

One thought on “WHITE COLLAR HOOLIGAN 2

  1. Review by White Collar Sausage Licker aka Joe Pesci II

    Dear reader, perhaps you have followed my enervating journey through the undergrowth of British cinema. Perhaps you have shared my astonished dismay at such sub-incompetent dross as the JACK trilogy. Perhaps you have goggled with incredulity at the infinitely interchangeable Essex Boys sagas. Maybe you too have been gobsmacked by the sheer crass stupid dumbness (at best) of charmless Simon Phillips and/or Nick Nevern vehicles like HE WHO DARES and THE HOOLIGAN WARS. There is a common thread weaving its way through these troughs of filmic despair: it is a man who scatters crumbs of disillusionment everywhere he goes. And he goes by the name of Paul Tanter. He has credits as producer, director or writer on many of the most terrible recent atrocities to have been committed to cinematic posterity/oblivion. If a film has the word ‘hooligan’ in the title one may reasonably assume Mr Tanter put it there.

    And for a moment I thought I’d done. I thought briefly that I’d finally watched his every available opus. But there is another (ESSEX BOYS RETRIBUTION – oh be still my beating heart!) so I’ll have to postpone the celebrations (i.e. putting all the DVDs into a range rover, leaving it at Nick Nevern’s car park then hire five would-be hooligans to lightly trash it). Instead I offer my musings on a film best described as almost-not-all-that-bad-all-things-considered-but-still-pretty-dire and an insult to all who strove to make cinema the great art-form of the modern age.

    What a strangely elusive film this is. That’s not a reflection on the content, it’s a complaint about my first copy never reaching me because of George Osborne selling the postal service to his best mate and driving it into the mud; and then some idiot amateur capitalist who sold my second copy put the wrong film in the box. So I long ago watched part 3 (the execrable MEET THE FIRM: REVENGE IN RIO). But here we are at long last. Joy.

    I couldn’t remember how the first film ended, though there’s a long recap at the start of this one to remind me. Loveable hooligan/fraudster/grass Nick Nevern has gone to Spain with Rita Ramnani thanks to a witness protection scheme. They run a café with the help of a Spaniard imaginatively named Pablo (they must have spent weeks thinking that name up). Ramnani foolishly buys tickets to a football match, where Nevern is spotted by his arch-enemy’s underlings. They kidnap Ramnani and her inevitable unborn child, and give Nevern four days (a strange number – surely the weekend or a week would make more dramatic sense) to find the £2million Nevern allegedly owes.

    Pausing only to pop a jacket over Pablo’s corpse, Nevern heads to New York where one of his old mates/enemies/acquaintances has become an internet billionaire. But hang on a minute I hear you cry! What of Simon Phillips, the male thespian equivalent of Katie Hopkins? Well, the net-billionaire just happens to know someone who might help our Nick. He arranges a secret late night assignation with the mystery man of finance, who turns out to be king of comedy Simon Phillips! I hope it wasn’t intended as a surprise. However, and it’s perverse to admit it (seeing as

    Phillips is usually such a crushingly bad actor), but Nevern and Phillips together do add up to something almost approaching a decent double act. Id’ rate them somewhere between Little and Large and Roger de Courcey and Nookie Bear.

    Teaming up just like old times our heroes pop over to the UK, and creep unnoticed into the bad guy’s mansion. Their plan seems to change with each scene, but such is the Nevern-Phillips chemistry you don’t care about the plot. Or the characters. Or anything at all. It all ends with a deeply ridiculous finale and a coda which renders the whole film redundant whilst setting up the grotesquely embarrassing sequel.

    Peter Barrett is particularly good as the supposedly boring policeman with a loyalty to his felonious friends. It’s a shame that rentaplank Ewen Ross takes over. He will never act. There’s a half-decent double act from Tony Denham and Neil Large as the heavies. It’s good to see Vas Blackwood scene-stealing, and Rita Ramnani (complete with Unborn Child®©™) cries out for more screen time. Alas the villain played by chimp-a-like Tom Benedict Knight with an unfathomable vaguely Russian accent has all the seething menace of a dead meerkat. And Phillips and Nevern try to play the whole thing as if the script was by Oscar Wilde (it isn’t). And we are cursed with a voice-over! Now, Nick Nevern’s not a bad actor (usually) but please, Mr Tanter if you’re reading this, please stop giving him voice-overs. That’s all I ask. (Oh, and if you could stop making hooligan films please. And stop employing Simon Phillips and Ewen Ross. Thanks.)

    The film’s main message is: don’t let women get involved in football in any way, not

    even buying tickets. There are other messages of course, some for viewers, some for the film-makers themselves: (i) Ewen Ross isn’t an actor; (ii) the meaning of the word ‘hooligan’ is changing before our eyes (it now means ‘person’) (however, there are two moments of good old-fashioned football-hooligan-ish mayhem: one is as a cheekily silly, thoroughly gratuitous resolution to a plot non-problem, whilst the other pretty much torpedoes any credibility the film might have had but reminded me of an old Harry Fowler Alistair Sim film); (iii) just because you’re going to New York doesn’t mean you have to film an unnecessary subplot there; (iv) Tom Benedict Knight would make an excellent addition to the Planet of the Apes franchise.

    This is very much the Goldilocks choice of the trilogy, neither best (first one) nor worst (guess!). The best elements of the previous film (decent characters) just about survive, whilst the worst of the third (stupid plotting and aimless globetrotting) begin to rear their heads. Truly this is a trilogy which grows organically. Like a flower. Or a virus.

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