5 out of 10
Release date: 21st October 2013 (DVD Premiere)
Director: James Nunn (The Eliminators / Tower Block)
Cast: Scott Adkins, Jack Doolan, Kacey Barnfield, Joey Ansah, Spencer Wilding, Josh Myers, Roberta Taylor, George Russo, Carlton Leach with Billy Cook and Mark Wingett
Writer: Ronnie Thompson
Trailer: GREEN STREET 3
I have to confess to not having seen Green Street 2, but I did see the first Green Street movie when it was released on the cinema. It was jaw droppingly bad and inauthentic, hobbled by bad accents and a confused and miscast leading man Elijah Wood. Green Street 3 has a tiny advantage in that the lead actor is Scott Adkins – who can actually half-convince as a fighter. He also has unrealised potential as a comedian as Green Street 3 is one of those rare films, a bad film that is actually so bad it’s funny. I watched it with my wife and a few friends and we were laughing all the way through it. Shame really because it wasn’t designed to be funny at all.
Green Street 3 starts with Danny’s (SCOTT ADKINS – RE-KILL) brother (son of David Essex BILLY COOK – TRAVELLER) getting himself killed in a meet between soccer firms. Danny’s come to lead his old firm back to glory whilst finding out who ‘did’ his bruvver. On his return he realises that the fights have gone underground and are now quite organised – taking place off the street so that the police involvement is minimal. Also money can be made by running a league not unlike the actually players’ league. Danny has a hunch that his brother’s killer is a firm leader – so he trains his own firm up for the greatest showdown the fight league has ever seen.
Like a dopey spoof of Fight Club – Green Street 3 revolve around a series of tournaments and endless scenes of our heroes downING beers, singing at the top of their voices, slow motion fights and some hilarious montages in the gym. Mark Wingett (THE BILL) even pops up as a Burgess Meredith-Rocky style sea-dog trainer type in a Boston Strangler beanie. I half expected to see him sat cross legged sat on Scott Adkins back as the latter does press-ups. There’s a great scene in which Danny calls for his fellow thugs for a jog in the morning – the montage sees 1 jogger fade up to a team of 10 running in slow motion towards the camera. Poor Jack Doolan (MAY I KILL U?) continues his trawl of bad movies in search of a break as Gilly, the previous leader of Danny’s firm. Elsewhere in the cast we have a saucy lady Molly the bar maid (KACEY BARNFIELD – RESIDENT EVIL 4) who’s been wheeled on as a supposed love interest. She gets to flash her loo loos at Danny and then is pretty much sidelined for the duration. Producer and fight choreographer, Joey Ansah (UFO) turns up as a policeman who used to be Danny’s best pal. He has to prove that he’s still ‘got it’ by kicking a can of John Smith‘s off Danny’s head – in another piece of comic genius. The soundtrack is also to blame for the disproportionate levels of laughter aimed at Green Street 3. During the montages there is a lightweight cover version of Survivor’s ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ and a mad synth rock tune called ‘Pushing Back’. So with about 7 montages to get through this is almost a musical by default – what with all the football chants as well.
The cinematography betrays the fact that someone with a degree of talent was employed behind the scenes. Flood lit scenes and nicely lit night shots are prevalent and up the production value of the film exponentially – but on the whole the shonky acting, non-existent script and the endless training scenes strand Green Street 3 in the cheap bins. Even the fight scenes are sub-par. And there’s no excuse for this as the ultra-cheap Ten Dead Men‘s fight scenes proves you don’t need money to feature excellent and well staged combat. Scott Adkins’ onscreen fight skills are usually more fluid and acrobatic than the ones on display here. Maybe that was the intention because Danny isn’t a bounty hunter like his characters in The Expendables 2 or The Tournament for instance. Still, it was all clunky. I’m also recalling a fight scene in which an extra charges across the screen (left to right) mid-fight with someone on his shoulders yelling at the top of his voice! Pure comedy. Luckily Green Street 3 is punctuated with so many unintentionally funny bits I can recommend it on the basis that its entertains. It does end with one of the best Schwarzenegger-style pay off lines I’ve heard in many year – so for that alone it gets ‘1’ extra point.
5 out of 10 – Diabolical, but so unintentionally funny you have to watch it with friends. The Hooligan Factory has got its work cut out if it wants to be the funniest film about Football hooligans to come out of the UK. Nice to see Scott Adkins in a UK film all the same.
Read JOE PESCI II aka MATT USHER’s Review Below!!!
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Scott Adkins: Undisputed 4, Zero Tolerance, The Eliminators, Hard Target 2, Criminal (2016), Jarhead 3, Grimsby, Legendary, Re-Kill, Ninja 2, The Legend of Hercules, Universal Soldier 4, Zero Dark Thirty, The Expendables 2, Assassination Games, The Tournament, X Men: Wolverine, Undisputed 2 & 3, The Bourne Ultimatum, Eastenders (TV)
- Jack Doolan: Bachelor Games, It’s a Lot, The Facility, May I Kill U?, Cockneys Vs. Zombies, Demons Never Die, Cemetery Junction
- Kacey Barnfield: Blood Orange, World War Dead, Road Kill (2015), I Spit On Your Grave 2, Resident Evil 4, Lake Placid 3, Grange Hill (TV)
- Joey Ansah: The Numbers Station, I Anna, UFO (2013), Underground (2008), The Bourne Ultimatum
- Spencer Wilding: Star Wars – Rogue One, Jupiter Ascending
- Josh Myers: Rise of the Footsoldier 3, Razors, Bonded By Blood 2, Fall of The Krays, Anti-Social, Meet The Firm – White Collar Hooligan 3, I Am Soldier, Zombie Diaries 2, Psychosis
- Roberta Taylor: The Bill (TV), Doctors (TV), Eastenders (TV)
- George Russo: Bonded By Blood 2, Top Dog, I Am Soldier, Turnout, Tony, Zebra Crossing
- Billy Cook: The Hooligan Factory, Traveller
- Carlton Leach: Essex Boys – Law of Survival, Killer Bitch
- Mark Wingett: I Am Hooligan, Run For Your Wife, Snow White & The Huntsman, War Of The Dead, Intruders, Franklyn, The Bill (TV), Quadrophenia