1.5 out of 10
Release Date: 13th May 2005
Director: Julian Richards (Summer Scars / Dark Days)
Cast: Kevin Howarth, Mark Stevenson, Antonia Beamish with Lisa Renee and Christopher Adamson
Writer: James Handel
Trailer: THE LAST HORROR MOVIE
If the majority of people spent their spare time watching low budget movies from the UK instead of zoning out in front of equally bad telly – The Last Horror Movie could well be the last film they ever watch. Julian Richards is right about one thing – his film is so crap it may be well be the very last horror movie you watch. It almost put me off horror flicks for good – but alongside my Chewbacca equivalent (JOE PESCI II) my quest for good low-budget movies continues.
Kevin Howarth (THE SEASONING HOUSE) usually so good, plays a murderous wedding photographer. A short-time into a set up in an American diner where Lisa Renee‘s waitress is stalked by slasher Christopher Adamson (EVIL ALIENS) – Kevin’s murderer interrupts to say that he’s taped over the slasher to show you how a real murderer operates. I wish he’d have left Christopher Adamson and co alone. He proceeds to guide us on a tour of his haunts with his dopey apprentice (MARK STEVENSON – FRANKENSTEIN’S ARMY) in what seems to be a very tepid remake of Man Bites Dog which ends up more like Pimp.
Without wit, invention or a thought to entertain, The Last Horror Movie is truly one of the worst ‘found-footage’ films I’ve ever seen. ‘Found-footage’ being that I (and anyone who else that watches it) will be the one who found it… Anyway, Kevin’s killer continuously hints that no witnesses are ever left – so the preposterous ending which is designed to have viewers looking out of their windows for Kevin Howarth with a knife is very silly. Unless he works for Lovefilm and really wants to expunge all existence of this movie from his CV then we’ve nothing to fear (except a permanent lobotomy at the hands of the filmmakers. I’ll say something nice now about Julian Richards the director – who has recently re-released his best film Summer Scars (which I highly recommend). I’d also say that Kevin Howarth is a fine actor on the rise and want to see him in way better films than this played out and tired piece of mandrill bum fluid; see the previously mentioned Summer Scars and The Seasoning House. There’s no reason to seek this out unless you are a fan of Julian Richards’ cult Dark Days (which has just been released in the UK) and Kevin Howarth. I’d say it only serves to put off seeing them in anything else again!
1.5 out of 10 – The tiredest and possibly worst ‘found-footage’ film I’ve ever seen. It’s a shame because both the director and lead actor have been so much better elsewhere. Unforgivable crap.
* since this review was written Britpic has sat through at least 8 worse ‘found-footage’ movies (24/5/2015)
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Kevin Howarth: The Seasoning House, Gallowwalkers, The Magnificent Eleven, Summer Scars, Cold and Dark, Razor Blade Smile
- Mark Stevenson: Frankenstein’s Army
- Christopher Adamson: The Sleeping Room, All Things To All Men, F, Mutant Chronicles, Evil Aliens, The Ballad Of Mangal Pandey, Lighthouse, Razor Blade Smile, Judge Dredd (1995), Mad Dogs and Englishmen, Beyond Bedlam, Dirty Weekend, The Young Americans