I CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT

0.5 out of 10

Release Date: 3rd April 2009

Director: Shamim Sharif

Cast: Lisa Ray, Sheetal Sheth, Antonia Frering, Rez Kempton, Dalip Tahil, Ernest Ignatius, Anya Lahiri, Amber Rose Revah, Siddiqua Akthar and Nina Wadia

Writer: Shamim Sharif

Trailer: I CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT

I-Cant-Think-Straight-PosterI’m speechless. Here comes the worst British film about being young, gay and the consequences of coming out to your family and friends. In this case the two girls concerned are both from regions of the world where homosexuality is particularly frowned upon. One of the girls, Tali (LISA RAY – WATER) is a Christian from Jordan who is about to be married to a socialite. She falls for a straight Indian Muslim girl, Leyla (SHEETAL SHETH). Let the cliches commence.

Made in the style of a Emirate soap opera filmed in slow motion – I Can’t Think Straight contains some of the most excruciatingly shrill and bad performances committed to a ‘professional’ film production… ever. Since we set up Britpic in 2012 there have been rivals for the crown of worst low budget film and this gay flick really takes some beating but remarkably there are worse films out there (take a look down the cast list below and some of the actors have appeared in some of them). It’s an interesting subject and backdrop. It’s dramatically material exploring characters whose culture impacts on more primal desires but this film doesn’t care. It’s more concerned about being the Middle-Eastern equivalent of Sex and The City. The lack of production values and skill on display render this the worst UK film about ‘coming out’ you’ll ever see. In an already very crowded field – there have been some brilliant films from the UK that have made some honest and refreshing entries. Britpic urges readers to seek out Weekend or Lilting and leave charmless vanity projects like this (and Nina’s Heavenly Delights) to fester in obscurity where they belong. You learn nothing and it would be difficult to find yourself less engaged by a bunch of non-characters that drift about shouting bad dialogue just so their cheap microphones can pick them up. The sound is terrible and the endless montages only set to prove that the makers have an abysmal taste in music. It’s doesn’t even have any camp appeal for your stereotypical ‘gay’ viewer – so who is it made for? Bin Men I think.

It’s as if the makers knew somebody who’s distant cousin met a gay person ten years ago on the other side of the world and then tried to turn a very limited imagination towards tackiling a subject that could be so full of twists and turns.

0.5 out of 10 – The makers of this film need to be locked under the jail for criminals who commit crimes against innocent film fans. I Can’t Think Straight? Avoid at all costs. This film will turn gay viewers STRAIGHT it’s that bad.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Lisa Ray: Water
  • Rez Kempton: Amar Akbar & Tony,  Stag Night of the Dead, Baseline
  • Dalip Tahil: Eastenders (TV)
  • Anya Lahiri: Goal 3
  • Amber Rose Kevah: Everywhere + Nowhere, From Paris With Love
  • Nina Wadia: Amar Akbar & Tony, Holby City (TV), Still Open All Hours (TV), Eastenders (TV), Keith Lemon, White Teeth (TV), Goodness Gracious Me (TV), Such a Long Journey, Sixth Happiness
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