4.5 out of 10
Release Date: 3rd April 2015 (DVD Premiere)
Director: Chris Bouchard
Cast: Nathanael Wiseman, Arin Alldridge, Marlon G Day, Enoch Frost, Rajan Sharma, Neerja Naik, Malcolm Tomlinson, Sean Cronin, Christopher Dingli, Jeanette Rourke, Tom Bonington, Katarina Gellin and Kulvinder Ghir
Writer: Thorin Seex
Trailer: HACKNEY’S FINEST
I fell asleep about four times watching this film. I gave up watching it twice and only reached the ending on the third attempt. If only I’d been able to sleep my way through a worse film. As it is Hackney’s Finest is nowhere near the worst film in the genre. In fact, it’s only down to the fact that it’s turned up 15 years too late that it hasn’t got a higher mark from the Britpic Cabal…. No it’s just it takes no risks with it’s quirky plot full of unusual gangsters, bent coppers and story twists… I know that’s a contradiction, but what else were you expecting from a young fella who probably grew up watching Snatch on a loop.
Hackney’s Finest is a film that celebrates drug taking, drug dealing and violence. The cops are the baddies here and the dealers are the goodies…. It really is one big inverted game of cops and robbers with Welsh Jamaicans, Christian Policemen, Female Indian Speed Bike Racers and a van full of romantically inclined killer Russians. So far so Lock, Stock right? Well, sadly the writer doesn’t have the wit – there’s a few lines that crackle but nothing sticks in the memory. The plot goes around in circles whilst it’s solid cast stack double-crossing upon double-crossing. It’s competently made but it’s tedious and too slick for it’s own good. No one likes a smart-arse and that’s what this film is. It felt like I was watching a juggler who could handle ten balls whilst scratching his arse with his left hand, all the while grinning at me saying “you like that yeah, yeah? Well watch this.”
See Joe Pesci II‘s summing up of the plot in his funny review below because I didn’t bother following it. The lead Nathaneal Wiseman (MY HERO) was too annoying and obnoxious a foil to impress or draw me into the story. Any peril was laughed off and the villain Arin Allridge (THE BILL) reminded me of an old boss, and that wound me up further. Then I fell asleep. I must have watched Kulvinder Ghir’s (GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME) one minute cameo 11 times trying to keep up…
Alas it wasn’t worth the perserverance. I may watch it again one day just to see if I’m wrong as m’learned friend below says there’s much to admire… Why was it called Hackney’s Finest as well? I don’t even think it was made in London!
4.5 out of 10 – OK-ish gangster flick in the Guy Richie mode… So risk averse that I can’t think of anything particlularly horrible or nice to say about it which is fairly damning, I suppose.
Review by Joe Pesci II aka Matt Usher below.
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Nathanael Wiseman: Hard Tide
- Arin Alldridge: The Bill (TV)
- Marlon G Day: Deny Everything
- Enoch Frost: Outpost
- Malcolm Tomlinson: Emmerdale (TV)
- Sean Cronin: My Hero, We Still Steal The Old Way, Rise of the Footsoldier 2,Gatwick Gangsters, Hard Tide, The Antwerp Dolls, Kill Kane, The Seasoning House, The Hooligan Wars
- Tom Bonington: The Haunting At The Rectory, The Shouting Men
- Katarina Gellin: Gangsters Gamblers Geezers, Hard Tide
- Kulvinder Ghir: Those Four Walls, Level Up, Gone Too Far, Still Open All Hours (TV), Goodness Gracious Me (TV), Jadoo, Postman Pat (TV) (voice), Nina’s Heavenly Delights, Holby City (TV), Bend It Like Beckham, Rita Sue and Bob Too!, Howards’ Way (TV)