1 out of 10
Release Date: 12th June 2015
Cast: Martin Kemp, April Pearson, Patrick Bergin, Phil Davis, Nick Moran, Anouska Mond, Tony Denham, Sebastian Street, Chris Brazier, Johnny Palmiero, Peter Brooke, Dani Dyer, Donna Air, Lucy Pinder, Simon Nader with Bruce Payne and Dexter Fletcher
Writer: Simon Cluett
Trailer: AGE OF KILL
The credit sequence was nice. That’s all I can say in Age of Kill‘s favour. This is the worst film for sometime from producer Jonathan Sothcott and it’s with a heavy heart that I write this because he’s worked hard to improve his output only to land straight back where he started. His breakout film Vendetta was followed by the solid Top Dog, I didn’t like We Still Kill The Old Way but it was still passable in some departments. Age of Kill is terrible in every department. Trying in vain to grab onto the coat tails of the new ‘ageing action man’ sub-genre accidentally kick-started by Liam Neeson with Taken, Age of Kill does little to thrill or make use of Kemp or the rest of it’s experienced cast.Much of the blame can be put at director Neil Jones’ doorstep who does little to help his actors improve on the atrocious plot and script. Neil Jones has a long track-record for releasing some toxic film shit and is fast shaping up to be a skint British Uwe Boll. Sloppy direction, badly choreographed and lensed scenes leave established actors stranded bare-assed in some of the worst executed scenes of 2015 thanks to his lack of care, skill or ambition to at least try to improve his skill-set.
Poor Martin Kemp has fared better as a director recently (TOP DOG), taking the lead here will do him no favours. He showed how good he can be in the recent Danny Dyer vehicle, Assassin reminding us of his break out The Krays. The non-character on show here is a bit of an embarrasment and needs to be forgotten very quickly, as none of the shit on display here is his fault (except for signing on).
Kemp plays government assassin Sam Blake. Six months after his latest mission goes wrong and his team get disbanded, he finds himself being blackmailed by an unknown tormentor who demands that Sam kill six people (one an hour) or the people close to him will begin to die instead. So it’s kill these people or others will die. The baddie has also kidnapped his dopey daughter Dani Dyer (VENDETTA). The police led by the dimmest cop on film (ANOUSKA MOND – ASSASSIN) are hot on his trail, only because its what film cops do as no real detection is on display here. On Sam’s kill list is a well-known nationalist, Dixon (NICK MORAN – ST GEORGE’S DAY), so begins a count down as the police try to work out whats happening and attempt to save him for a sniper’s bullet? And what’s the baddie’s real agenda? My interest flickered for half a second when the killer is eventually unmasked and asked to explain himself.
Never has such a good cast been held to ransom by such a bad script and direction. It’s hack filmmaking at it’s worst, as fight scene after fight scene is botched and rushed. A fight on a staircase between Sam and two of the oldest chavs in the world is particularly bad. Another scene has Sam shoot down a helicopter – it makes no sense and although it heightens the films ambitions, it still looks like an bad spoof of a scene from The Expendables. Why is the script littered with unneccessary Americanisms too? For instance, Bruce Payne’s (RE-KILL) Prime Minister says that he ‘ran for office’. Elsewhere in the toilet paper-quality script people drive SUVs and go about finding guns in the ‘trunk’ of automobiles? Poor Anouska Mond who is the leadpolice detective. She has all the worst lines which make her out to be the dimmest cop in London. At one point she gives her grizzled and seasoned cops a lesson in detecting 101 – it’s like she’s teaching a class of infants. Then there’s Dexter Fletcher (MUPPETS MOST WANTED) who turns up as London’s best, most secret sniper sporting ten afros on his head and a gun stolen from an Imperial Stormtrooper (also see DVD cover above!). Surely snipers don’t have Kate Bush hair-dos (ahhhh Babushka Babuskaaaa aiiiiaghhh!) as they usually want to stay hidden and wouldn’t a gun like that have been designed to destroy tanks and not for administering centimetre prescision execution work. The hardware in Age of Kill is all wrong with the actors run around sporting their guns like a child would a banana substitute. An early scene in which Sam shows his daughter how to shoot is rushed and a bad sign of all that is to follow, kick back is not taken into consideration (would you put you hand on someone’s shoulder as they’re about to take a shot? / sample cliches like calculating wind speed and direction when the gun isn’t even advanced enough to make such adjustments through its sighting alos agitate). I could go on but there’s so much bad, rushed and shoddy about this hack job. I’m no longer holding out little hope for Richwater Films as Sothcott & co’s new one is Bonded In Blood 2 or yet-another-Essex Boys movie. It’s a shame they’ve given up on putting out genre films with a professional shine. Please don’t prove that Vendetta was a happy fluke.
1 out of 10 – This is the worst film I’ve seen with established name actors in for a very long time. This is a throwback to Jonathan Sothcott‘s early productions like Unarmed & Dangerous or Dead Cert. It’s a shocker and it throws him back in the film ‘dog house’ with his old mates Paul Tanter and Simon Phillips as far as Britpic is concerned. So bad, it has to have been a spoof.
Another review by Joe Pesci II is found below…. Read on…
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Martin Kemp: Assassin (2015), Top Dog (dir), Strippers vs. Werewolves, Stalker (2011)(dir), Jack Falls, Back In Business, Eastenders (TV), Paper Marriage, Daydream Believer, Wax Works 2, The Krays
- April Pearson: Tank 432, Tormented, Skins (TV)
- Patrick Bergin: Free Fire, We Still Steal The Old Way, Gallowwalkers, The Wee Man, Highway To Hell (2012), Strength and Honour, Ella Enchanted, Eye Of The Beholder, The Invisible Circus, Lawnmower Man 2, The Map Of The Human Heart, Patriot Games, Love Crimes, Robin Hood (1991), Highway To Hell, Mountains of the Moon
- Phil Davis: We Are Tourists, Paradise UK, Dough, Golden Years, Mr Holmes, In The Blood (2015), Silk (TV), Whitechapel (TV), Being Human (TV), Borrowed Time, Fast Girls, Outside Bet, Brighton Rock (2011), Another Year, Dead Man Running, The Big I Am, Just For The Record, Cassandra’s Dream, Notes On a Scandal, The Baby Juice Express, Vera Drake, Rose & Maloney (TV), Nicholas Nickleby (2002), Photographing Fairies, Crimetime, I.D. (dir), Blue Ice, Alien 3, High Hopes, The Bounty, Quadrophenia
- Nick Moran: My Name is Lenny, The Habit of Beauty, Eat Local, Terminal, London Heist, Don’t Knock Twice, Down Dog, Death (2014), St George’s Day, The Kid (2010) (dir), Goal 3, Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Pt 1 & 2, Telstar (dir), The Baby Juice Express, Puritan, The Musketeer, Another Life, Rancid Aluminium, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
- Anouska Mond: We Still Steal The Old Way Assassin (2015), United We Fall, We Still Kill The Old Way, Evil Never Dies, Ill Manors, In Your Dreams
- Tony Denham: We Still Steal The Old Way, London Heist, Bonded By Blood 2, The Guvnors, We Still Kill The Old Way, The Hooligan Factory, Vendetta, Essex Boys Retribution, White Collar Hooligan 2, Fall Of The Essex Boys, St. George’s Day, Turnout, The Shouting Men, Revolver, The Football Factory
- Sebastian Street: Tomorrow (2016), Kill Kane, Victim, Airborne (2012), The Age Of Heroes, Jack Falls, The Last Seven, Stag Night of the Dead
- Chris Brazier: Jo (TV), Coronation Street (TV)
- Johnny Palmiero: Collide, Bonded By Blood 2, Rise of the Footsoldier 2, We Still Kill The Old Way, Top Dog, Bonded By Blood, The Kid (2010), Green Street
- Peter Brooke: Wrong Turn 5
- Dani Dyer: Bonded By Blood 2, We Still Kill The Old Way, Vendetta
- Donna Air: Bad Day, The One and Only, Byker Grove (TV)
- Lucy Pinder: Strippers vs. Werewolves
- Simon Nader: The Dead Inside (2013)
- Bruce Payne: The Rizen, The Antwerp Dolls, Breakdown (2016), Getaway, Vendetta, Re-Kill, Tales of the Supernatural, Prowl, Dungeons & Dragons, Necronomicon, Passenger 57, Pyrates, The Howling 4, The Fruit Machine, for Queen and Country, Billy The Kid and The Green Baize Vampire, Absolute Beginners, Oxford Blues
- Dexter Fletcher: Terminal, Eat Local, Smoking Guns, Eddie The Eagle (dir), The Coven, Muppets Most Wanted, Sunshine On Leith (dir), Cockneys Vs. Zombies, St. George’s Day, Wild Bill (2012) (dir),The Three Musketeers (2011), Everywhere + Nowhere, Kick Ass, Jack Falls, Dead Cert, Baseline, In Your Dreams, Stardust, Below, Layer Cake, Doom, Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, The Rachel Papers, The Raggedy Rawney, Caravaggio, Press Gang (TV)