2 out of 10
Release Date: 24th August 2015 (DVD Premiere)
Director: Andreas Prodromou
Cast: Cyd Casados, Ben Gardner Gray, Ellie Dickens, James Killeen, Aggy K Adams, Garry Mannion, Jake Unsworth, Ivy Corbin, Andrew McDonald and Georgina Blackledge
Writer: Andreas Prodromou
Trailer: EDEN LODGE
Competent acting can’t save this unscary and utterly derivative brit-horror. Which is a shame because there are a lot of badly acted horrors with better plots and ideas than this sorry exercise in how to bore an audience silly. That the director has put in enough effort to present this as a professionally produced movie it’s a bitter pill to swallow that all his efforts have been misdirected.
Eden Lodge is a slasher flick with a blunt knife and a massive plot hole that punctures the entire film’s internal logic, come the big reveal (the slasher’s identity). Scooby Doo would’ve been proud when the killer’s identity is brought into the light, but then it throws up more questions than it answers. Anyway, I can’t go into details like that as I leave it to Joe Pesci II to do the spoiler heavy reviews, so hang on.
Warring fiancees (CYD CASADOS – ROBERT and BEN GARDNER GRAY) are travelling through rural England when their car breaks down. A helpful farmer sends them to a reasonable B&B up the road. It’s quite nice actually except for the fact that the cast begin to get killed in a variety of tedious ways. And that’s it. Who’s the killer? Who will survive?
There’s not a lot to say about Eden Lodge except it’s just not scary. It’s like an episode of Crossroads but without the wit. The script is humourless and unadventurous. The thin characters are largely flat and only serve as the next victim to be tediously stalked and chopped. Also I’m seeing a lot of bear traps in these kinds of movie. Two this week, the other in the way superior, Awaiting. Very undemanding viewers who don’t like surprises and only welcome predictable films will probably enjoy this as a tepid time passer. The riddle of the killers i.d. isn’t a a hard one to figure either and I was wondering why the makers were bothering to keep it a secret apart from on-set Health & Safety concerns.
2 out of 10 – A wet and dreary horror with no scares and no atmosphere. It’s a shame because it’s fairly well made beyond that. A waste of time. Not to be confused with the ace Eden Lake. This is NOT a sequel.
Review by Joe Pesci II aka Matt Usher below
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Cyd Casados: Robert
- Ivy Corbin: Apocalypse Z
- Aggy K Adams: Undercover Hooligan
- Georgina Blackledge: The Last House On Cemetery Lane