2.5 out of 10

Release Date: 11th February 2016

Director: Burr Steers (Charlie St. Cloud / 17 Again / Igby Goes Down)

Cast: Lily James, Sam Riley, Jack Huston, Douglas Booth, Sally Phillips, Bella Heathcote, Ellie Bamber, Millie Brady, Suki Waterhouse, Emma Greenwell, Morfydd Clark, Dolly Wells and Charles Dance with Matt Smith and Lena Headey



Now this was disappointing. This one-joke zombie fails to capitalise on a pretty good conceit and as a result it’s probably the flattest bigger-budget zombie flick to shuffle out on British cinemas to date. Wearing it’s gimmick on it’s sleeve, it’s essentially a retelling of the Jane Austen novel with some flesh-eating zombies thrown in to liven it up. Only the added USP actually deadens it up. When one of the zombies begins to hold a conversation with the living you know that the scare factor just got dialled down to zero. Talking, intelligent zombies are a real turn off. So its clear from the off this is an attempt at zom-com, except there are no jokes either.  It’s left to the period design and the acting to impress, except they don’t.

Pride & Prejudice & Zombies looks like an exercise in obligation. You’ve all had experiences where you’re all in the pub have  funny idea, are all committed to it in the spirit of camarderie but come the sober light of day you can’t be bothered and no longer see the funny side. PPZ is like that, except the one wag who still found the idea funny stitched everyone up with cast iron contracts, thats assuming the actors in this were friends to begin with, except there’s no chemistry. The high-profile cast are just going through the motions with the exception of former Dr Who, Matt Smith (TERMINATOR 5) who is excellent as the local Clergy man, the Rev’d Collins.

The main plot of the Jane Austen original isn’t disrupted too badly throughout the earlier sections but this still comes off a poor second to even Joe Wright’s 2005 re-run. You’re thinking, ‘I already know these bits, bring on the zombies’. It’s a bad thing in a way and by the time the first hour is through you know you’re definitely not going to see any improvements. I was willing it to be better because I was looking forward to it.

Sam Riley (CONTROL) and Lily James (WAR AND PEACE) are OK as the leads but beyond a cool bit of swordplay and martial arts tom-foolery they are indistinguishable from the legion of Col. Darcys and Elizabeth Bennetts that have gone before. A subplot about feeding zombies pig’s brains is too convoluted and story-killing for my liking and the race against time at the ending lacks urgency or suspense. All that’s left to commend is the ‘look’ of the film which is the sole success. The zombies and the settings all look spot-on. The costumes are perfect and it’s a good job there was money for this kind of thing as it’s the only aspect in the entire film that feels like it was accomplished with a degree of love and care. Otherwise this is a machine-like bore that could have done with a bit more spring in its step, more jokes, less talk and a degree of suspense.

2.5 out of 10 – Flat and lifeless. An expensive looking film with no life whatsoever to it. As a comedy there’s one joke, the concept. As a horror there’s no atmosphere. An empty experience.

Another review by Matt ‘Shuffler’ Usher below


  • Lily James: Baby Driver, War and Peace (TV), Burnt, Downton Abbey (TV), Cinderella (2015), Broken (2013), Fast Girls, Wrath Of The Titans
  • Sam Riley: Free Fire, Suite Francaise, Maleficent, Byzantium, On The Road, Brighton Rock (2011), 13 (2010), Franklyn, Control
  • Jack Huston: Berlin I Love You, Ben Hur (2016), Hail Caesar, The Longest Ride, American Hustle, Night Train To Lisbon, Kiss Your Darlings, The Hot Potato, Boardwalk Empire (TV), Twilight- Eclipse, Mr Nice, Outlander, Shrooms, Factory Girl
  • Douglas Booth: A Storm In The Stars, The Riot Club, Jupiter Ascending, Noah, Romeo & Juliet (2013), LOL
  • Sally Phillips: Burn Burn Burn, Set The Thames On Fire, The Rizen 2, The Rizen, Bridget Jones 3, Miranda (TV), Green Wing (TV), Bridget Jones 2, Bridget Jones, Mean Machine, Birthday Girl, Born Romantic
  • Bella Heathcote: Fifty Shades Darker, Neon Demon, Dark Shadows, Beneath Hill 60, Neighbours (TV)
  • Ellie Bamber: Nocturnal Animals
  • Suki Waterhouse: Insurgent, Love Rosie
  • Emma Greenwell: Love & Friendship, Shameless US (TV)
  • Morfydd Clark: Love & Friendship,  The Call Up, The Falling
  • Dolly Wells: Black Mountain Poets, 45 Years, Benny & Jolene, Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy (TV), Dolly & Em (TV), Some Girls (TV), Spy (TV), Morvern Callar
  • Charles Dance: Underworld 5, Ghostbusters 3, Me Before You, Despite The Falling Snow, Woman In Gold, Child 44, The Imitation Game, Dracula Untold, Game Of Thrones (TV), Midnight’s Children,  St. George’s Day, Underworld 4, Your Highness, Ironclad, Starter For Ten, Gosford Park, Ladies In Lavender (dir), Swimming Pool, Ali G In Da House,  Black and White (2002), Hilary & Jackie, Michael Collins, Space Truckers, Exquisite Tenderness, China Moon, Century, The Last Action Hero, Alien 3, Hidden City, The Golden Child, White Mischief, James Bond – For Your Eyes Only
  • Matt Smith: Terminator 5, Lost River, Doctor Who – Day of the Doctor, Dr Who (TV), Clone
  • Lena Headey: Game Of Thrones (TV), The Adventurer – Curse of the Midas Box, Black Plague (2015), 300 – part 2, The Mortal Instruments, The Purge,  Dredd, The Broken, The Brothers Grimm, Imagine Me & You, St. Trinians, 300, The Cave, Ripley’s Game, The Parole Officer, Gossip, Onegin, If Only, Mrs Dalloway, Face, Waterland, The Grotesque, The Jungle Book (1994), Century, The Remains Of The Day


6.5 out of 10

Release Date: 27th June 2016 (DVD Premiere)

Director: Steven Gomez

Cast: Vanessa Kirby, David Ajala, Thure Lindhardt, Mike Noble, Tom McKay, Kelly Gough, Osi Okerafor and Bentley Nalu

Writer: Steven Gomez


KILL-COMMAND_UK-QUAD-600x426Steven Gomez’s debut is one of the better original sci-fis out there at the moment. Doing wonders with a smallish budget it rivals a lot of bigger films for ideas. Kill Command smuggles some interesting ideas into a standard ‘men on a mission’ template. So it delivers top notch action as well as giving you pause to stop and think too.

A small team of soldiers are summoned to an island on a training exercise. What begins as a routine skirmish with some drones and self-automated weaponry, someone somewhere wants to see how some new advanced robots work in a simulated combat situation. Alongside the group of soldiers is a cyborg observer (VANESSA KIRBY – JUPITER ASCENDING) who programmes the robots at assmebly line stage. When the new robots begin to pick off the soldiers in a series of ambushes, the cyborg comes under suspiscion as being in league with the tech.

The soldiers are a basic lot, but most of the boring ones are picked off in rough order of interoduction on the helicopter ride in. This is where the film flounders, characterisation is minimal before the shit hits the fan. Only three of the 8 soldiers are given anything to do besides die promptly. One is characterised by having a robot eye implant (BENTLEY NALU) to make him a better sniper, but that’s hardly depth. Thure Lindhardt (THE BORGIAS) is the sarge but he makes zero impact. It’s down to David Ajala (FAST AND FURIOUS 6) and he gets the most interesting character out of the humans. He is inquistive about the cyborg because he’s never worked closely with one before and he’s genuinely interested in the place technology can take the human race, as opposed to the other ‘techist’ squad members. The cyborg is a complex character, who was born without full use of her body until the ‘company’ offered to complete her if she worked for them. She has a natural affinity for how the malevolent machines work and she could be the only one with the key to saving her squad.

The new robots look like a deadly, giant version of Johnny 5 from Short Circuit, but despite this they are menacing. Remember Ed209‘s malfunction? Well when the characters go up to sleeping robots to download / upload / fiddle you feel the urge to hold your breath. They are characterised with some eerie sound bites like repeating the word ‘Error’ before going batshit.

Kill Command works as a good, sleak action sci-fi and it has a nice bit of icing on about the nature of sentience in man-made tech. But it doesn’t try to be Bladerunner or Solaris. So whilst a longer cut may have allowed for some characterisation and depth to be sketched into the lesser members of the squadron, it still works well. The robots are fantastic too.

6.5 out of 10 – Slick, action sci-fi with very cool special effects and some interesting side stories. Thin characterisation almost ruins it. Recommended for the best low-budget sci-fi of 2016 so far.

Review below by Matt Usher




US/UK co-production

6 out of 10


Release Date: 6th November 2015

Director: John Wells (Shameless (US)(TV)/ August- Osage County / Company Men)

Cast: Bradley Cooper, Sienna Miller, Daniel Bruhl, Omar Sy, Matthew Rhys, Sam Keeley, Riccardo Scamarcio, Lexie Benbow Hart, Sarah Greene, Henry Goodman, Lily James, Stephen Campbell Moore and Alicia Vikander with Uma Thurman and Emma Thompson

Writer: Stephen Knight

Trailer: BURNT


  • Bradley Cooper: Guardians of the Galaxy 2 (voice), 10 Cloverfield Lane (voice), Joy, American Sniper, Serena, Guardians of the Galaxy (voice), Wet Hot American Summer (TV), American Hustle, The Hangover 3, Silver Linings Playbook, The Place Beyond The Pines, The Hangover 2, Limitless, The A-Team, Valentine’s Day, All About Steve, Case 39, The Hangover, Nip & Tuck (TV), He’s Just Not That Into You, Yes Man, Alias (TV), Failure To Launch, Kitchen Confidential (TV), My Little Eye, Wet Hot American Summer
  • Sienna Miller: High-Rise, Mississippi Grind, Burnt, Unfinished Business,  American Sniper, Foxcatcher, GI Joe, The Edge of Love, Stardust, Interview, Factory Girl, Casanova, Alfie (2004), Layer Cake
  • Daniel Bruhl: Captain America 3, Woman In Gold, The Face of an Angel, A Most Wanted Man, The Fifth Estate, Rush (2013), Intruders, 2 Days In New York, Inglourious Basterds, The Bourne Ultimatum, 2 Days In Paris, Ladies In Lavender, The Edukators, Goodbye Lenin!
  • Omar Sy: Inferno, Jurassic World, Samba, Good People, X-Men 4, Mood Indigo, The Intouchables, Mic Macs
  • Matthew Rhys: Death Comes To Pemberley (TV), Patagonia, The Edge of Love, Deathwatch, Shooters, Very Annie Mary, Sorted, Titus, Whatever Happened To Harold Smith, Elizabeth, House of America
  • Sam Keeley: Alley Cats, AfterDeath, Monsters 2, What Richard Did, This Is The Place
  • Riccardo Scamarcio: John Wick 2, Pasolini, Effie Gray, Third Person, My Brother Is An Only Child, Romanzo Criminale
  • Sarah Greene: Noble, Penny Dreadful (TV), Standby
  • Henry Goodman: Woman In Gold, Agents of SHIELD (TV), Avengers 2, Captain America 2, Yes Prime Minister (TV), Taking Woodstock, The Damned United, Green Street, Churchill – The Hollywood Years, The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, Notting Hill, The Saint (1997), Private Parts, Mary Reilly, Karaoke / Cold Lazarus (TV), Son of the Pink Panther, Queen of Hearts
  • Lily James: Baby Driver, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, War and Peace (TV), Downton Abbey (TV), Cinderella (2015), Broken (2013), Fast Girls, Wrath Of The Titans
  • Stephen Campbell Moore: The Ones Below, The Lady In The Van, Man Up, Johnny English 2, Season Of The Witch, The Bank Job,  The History Boys, Bright Young Things
  • Alicia Vikander: The Light Between Oceans, Jason Bourne 5, Tulip Fever, The Danish Girl, The Man From UNCLE, Seventh Son, Son of a Gun, Ex Machina, Testament of Youth, The Fifth Estate, Anna Karenina (2012), A Royal Affair
  • Uma Thurman: The Slap (TV), Movie 43, Nymphomaniac, Playing For Keeps, Percy Jackson, Bel Ami, Motherhood, The Accidental Husband, The Life Before Her Eyes, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, The Producers (2005), Prime, Be Cool, Kill Bill 2, Paycheck, Kill Bill 1, Tape, The Golden Bowl, Sweet and Lowdown, The Avengers (1998), Les Miserables (1998), Gattaca, Batman & Robin,  The Truth About Cats & Dogs, Beautiful Girls, A Month By The Lake, Pulp Fiction, Even Cowgirls Get The Blues, Mad Dog & Glory, Jennifer 8, Final Analysis, Robin Hood (1991), Henry & June, Dangerous Liaisons, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Johnny Be Good
  • Emma Thompson: Beauty & The Beast (2016), Bridget Jones 3, The Legend of Barney Thompson, A Walk In The Woods, Effie Gray, The Love Punch, Saving Mr Banks, Beautiful Creatures (2013), Brave (voice), Men In Black 3, Harry Potter – parts 3, 4 & 8, Nanny McPhee 2, The Boat That Rocked, An Education, Last Chance Harvey, Brideshead Revisted, I Am Legend, Stranger Than Fiction, Nanny McPhee, Love Actually, Maybe Baby, Primary Colours, The Winter Guest, Sense and Sensibility, Carrington, Junior, My Father The Hero (1994), In The Name of the Father, The Remains of the Day, Much Ado About Nothing (1993), Peter’s Friends, Howard’s End, Dead Again, Impromptu, Henry V, The Tall Guy, Thompson (TV), Fortunes of War (TV), Tutti Frutti (TV), The Young Ones (TV)


6 out of 10

Release Date: TBC (Available on DVD in Germany)

Director: Paul Tanter (Age of the Living Dead (TV) / Kill Ratio / Dystopia (TV) / No Easy Days (TV) /  He Who Dares 2 Meet The Firm – White Collar Hooligan 3 / Shame The Devil / The Hooligan Wars He Who Dares / Essex Boys Retribution / White Collar Hooligan 2 / Fall of the Essex Boys / Rise of the White Collar Hooligan / Jack Falls)

Cast: Mark O’Neal, Petra Bryant, Tom Benedict Knight, Akbar Kurtha, Anais Alvarado, Daniel Berkey, Sefa Kumanaskat with Simon Phillips and Billy Murray

Writer: Paul Tanter



So far without a UK release date, this stands as the ‘lost’ Paul Tanter / Simon Phillips film.  News of a lost film usually picques the interest of film nerds but I wonder what fans of Tanter’s fake hooligan movies would make of this Turkey set kidnap thriller.  It ain’t Kubrick or Gilliam so there won’t be a dissection of it by the BFI in Sight and Sound any time soon BUT….it is a good, solid actioner. Despite, budgetary limitations, this film has a few disarming tricks up its sleeve and for the most part it plays out like a ‘real’ film. With a few more quid in their pockets and another revision of the script this would have been something my Mum & Dad would have liked. As it stands it plays as Paul Tanter‘s best film so far.

Told out of synch in an impressionistic way, the story tells of the honeymoon of Czech girl Lenka Wood (PETRA BRYANT – THE LAST SCOUT) and CIA spook Dexter (MARK O’NEAL – SPECTRAL) in Turkey.  Mysterious local men stalk the newly weds and eventually kidnap Lenka. Then a quest to find the wife with the help of the obstructive police force, led by Tom Benedict Knight (THE CALL UP) ensues.  Meanwhile, there are regular flashbacks to Dexter’s time in the army some years’ before, when he’s conducting an interrogation with another soldier played by Simon Phillips (THE LAST SCOUT) (on top form in a smallish supporting role). What at first spins out of control quickly, turns into something else.

A few minor plot holes aside and some duff fighting scenes, this film has a nicely thought-out intelligent plot with a satisfying denouement. Maybe Paul Tanter has something to say about foreign interventions and the way the guard dog in the west protects our freedoms.  It’s certainly the closest he’s come to making a thoughtful film if you compare this to his He Who Dares movies or his Saw tribute Shame The Devil. Could it be the mild dose of Simon Phillips? He puts in some solid support work here as opposed to his comedy / dramatic mugging, in Lenka Wood. The leads are OK. Mark O’ Neal is an American renta-plank who can carry a tune, Petra Bryant is given very little to do and it’s good that she’s not stretched as signs of strain would endanger the film further. Another standout is Tom Benedict Knight, so bad as the hero in He Who Dares 1 & 2, as the lead Turkish cop.  Also his best yet, although I’ve not seen him in much. Billy Murray (ESSEX BOYS RETRIBUTION) turns up as a dodgy gun dealer / Mr fix-it for a decent cameo too. What he’ll do a foreign holiday in the sun! Look out for Paul Tanter’s micro-cameo who plays the victim of a moped theft…

So there’s fun to be had, and if you don’t read to much into it, it’s a good, light piece of action entertainment. It’s the first competent Paul Tanter film in a long time (I mention The Rise and Fall of a White Collar Hooligan) and its a shame that a UK release is unlikely. However, completists can find a copy of the DVD online at Amazon (that’s how I got Britpic a copy). Paul Tanter completists of the world unite! Or is it just me, Joe Pesci II, Simon Phillips and Paul himself?

6 out of 10 – Entertaining action thriller set in Turkey featuring all our ‘fave’ actors at Brtipic! It’s naff at times and a bit rough at the edges, but I liked it.

Another review below by Matt ‘Spunka Wood’ Usher




1 out of 10

Release Date: 13th June 2016 (DVD Premiere)

Director: Liam Galvin (Killer Bitch)

Cast: Yvette Rowland, Robin Reid, Leslie Grantham, Robert Pereno, Jeff Stewart, Jason Marriner, Jess Conrad, Claire Toeman, Vidal Sancho, Holly Gibbs, Jon Campling, Cass Pennant, Lucy Drive, Richard Lawrence, Robin Kermode, Lucinda Rhodes and Chris Ellison with Cathy Tyson, Danniella Westbrook, Charlie Bronson (voice) with Lysette Anthony and Dave Courtney

Writer: Liam Galvin



To mark the sad occasion of leaving Europe today, I will write a review for Mob Handed. Britain better get used to it but all our films are going to be like this from now on. Screeching like a hysterical tabloid we have another vigilante flick from the makers of Killer Bitch. What’s scary is this is actually attempts to say something worthwhile about the treatment of paedophiles in the UK by the government. The makers of Mob Handed think they’re speaking for all us when they say offenders should be killed by the public in various disgusting ways. I won’t go on record and say I support this, but I do also despair at the way child molesters are treated with by the law (too lightly).  Tackling this conundrum as an exploitation flick that no MP will ever see is about like preaching to the choir. It’s also over the top, gratuitous and largely insensitive in it’s portrayal of victims of sex crime – male, female, old and young.

The film follows the progress of a dandy paedo called The Nonce (ROBERT PERENO – BILLY THE KID AND THE GREEN BAIZE VAMPIRE) as he rapes underage school girls.  One is even chased into the woods accompanied (not to a scary orchestral score) but a Status Quo-like rocker song as if inviting us to get in on the act as comedy. Investigating journalist, The Journalist (YVETTE ROWLAND – KILLER BITCH) is on the case until her daughter (HOLLY GIBBS –  THE STORY OF TRACEY BEAKER) gets raped then has her head sawn off in front of her by The Nonce.  She reaches out to a crack team of vigilantes led by a renegade MP with an appetite for dirty sex (CLARE TOEMAN), The Executioner (ROBIN REID – KILLER BITCH) and Jason (JASON MARRINER – KILLER BITCH). They start a war against The Nonce and stumble on a conspiracy that unveils a ring of paedos at the top of the government – here represented by 60’s singer Jess Conrad  (THE GREAT ROCK N ROLL SWINDLE) as The Judge.

And so it goes from one tatty scene to the next. It’s a little bit more ‘finished’ than Killer Bitch but a lot less fun, as this film is shouting at you LOOK THIS IS BAD, THIS IS WRONG, IF WE WERE IN POWER WE’D DO THIS AND YOU THINK THE SAME. If you don’t YOU MUST BE  A KIDDIE FIDDLER TOO!  It’s right-winger heaven. A bunch of ex-crims turn up for duty again, this time Cass Pennant is The Chauffeur and has no lines (or was I asleep), Dave Courtney (KILLER BITCH) enjoys himself in the only awesome scene as the Tank Killer. Which would have been more at home in Killer Bitch. Pity the talented Jeff Stewart (THE BILL) who was the sole reason to watch The Bill (as Reg Hollis) who overacts and is a hollow shell of his former glory. Someone get him another great role on a good telly show. Fellow TV actors like Lysette Anthony (KRULL), Chris Ellison (THE BILL) and Leslie Grantham (EASTENDERS) actually bother to act, but its no use – they are both wiped off stage by the appalling Yvette Rowland. The script is tabloid stupid, it’s ridiculously self-righteous one minute, then a retrograde exploitationer the next. I think the director was drunk, because everything is slapdash and rushed and it shows. The camera man was drinking from the same bottle too, as I think they just showed a passerby how to switch on one and got him to hold it follow the action (roughly).

Like I said, now we’ve left the EU, expect all our films to be like this. Flapping lips and pointing fingers and getting angry when we don’t agree with their right wing ways. The only good thing is that none of the paedos were played by immigrants! It does have poetry by Charlie Bronson in it though… Yeah!

1 out of 10 – Filmed in Turd-0-vision for the brainless. This has a real contempt for it’s audience, as it boils complex issues down to the very basics. Makes Killer Bitch look like a delicious prospect.

Second review below by Matt Usher






1 out of 10

Release Date: 13th June 2016 (DVD Premiere)

Director: Steve Lawson (Hellriser / Essex Heist / The Haunting of Annie Dyer Killer/Saurus / The Silencer)

Cast: Helen Crevel, Anthony Coughlan, Jay Sutherland, Sam Smith with Isabella Nash and Glenn Salvage (voice)

Writer: Steve Lawson



Oh lord. This is a disaster in every respect. The hardworking but underpowered director Steve Lawson delivers another cheapo for about the same price you’d spend on a can of baked beans. Footsoldier suffers from terrible acting, a very bad script and a very daft plot.

Hunter and ex jailbird, Weaver (ANTHONY COUGHLAN) takes his young son, Rex (SAM SMITH) on a rites of passage trip to the woods to hunt deer. The father tells the son a very basic version of how tribes would send their young out on a solo hunt. After refusing to shoot a doe ‘like the song, son!’, Rex accidentally shoots Helen Crevel’s (Killer/Saurus) potential boyfriend, who happen to have broken down nearby.  Weaver doesn’t want to go to jail so he goes about trying to kill the survivor too.

Moving at the speed of slugs up a ladder, Footsoldier is doomed to bore not thrill. Actions are telegraphed. ‘Hunters track their prey’s scent you know.’… Next minute Weaver is sniffing the air really loudly, as our heroine is spraying the trees with her perfume. Every line is delivered with a sigh and a clunk. Nobody speaks like Steve Lawson‘s characters, not even in films. The cat and mouse template only makes you think ‘come on! just do somthing.’ but the characters just plod along stringing us along, but this film will only fool the most stupid amongst us as it has no brevity, no lightness of touch or wit. It make be technically sound in that its shots seem to have been set up with some thought but the acting is atrocious all around, even Glenn Salvage (he of the ponytail and cool action flick The Silencer) drops a clanger in a dopey voice only cringe-clanger. You will have seen better acting in a primary school nativity play and that’s being kind. Both the leads would easily be outclassed.

Dreadful in every manner. Director Steve Lawson seems to be sliding backwards. Next up is micro-horror The Haunting of Danny Dyer! Sounds great.

1 out of 10Footsoldier is about as thrilling as comparing brands of tampons with a feminist, underwater. This makes his debut The Silencer look like a Kubrick-made masterpiece.

Second review below by Matt Usher



5 out of 10

Release Date: 15th September 2014 (DVD Premiere)


Director: Antony Smith

Cast: Sol Heras, Douglas Russell, Amber Jean Rowan, Kezia Burrows, Freddie Hutchins, Lily Stanton, Harry Feltham and Simon Armstrong

Writer: Antony Smith