2.5 out of 10
Release Date: 23rd May 2016 (DVD Premiere)
Director: David Keating (Wake Wood / The Last of the High Kings)
Cast: Anna Walton, Naomi Battrick, Sam Hazeldine, Minnie Phipps with Valerie O’Connor and Patrick Gibson
Writer: Brendan McCarthy
Trailer: CHERRY TREE
This dizzy horror clunker aims to be Dublin’s answer to the Italian Giallo horrors of the 1970s but ends up being more like Hollyoaks meets an arty zit cream commercial. Soft porn shenigans would probably excite Joe Pesci II (the other reviewer) but it didn’t do anything for me except wonder at how the director of the brilliant Last of the High Kings has ended up making flaccid horrors.
Naomi Battrick’s (BLOOD (2013)) schoolgirl makes a pact with her PE teacher played by Anna Walton (Deviation) to give her a baby, who with a little bit of black magic and unknown to school girl, may well be the devil. Argghhhhhh. In exchange, the PE teacher come witch will cure her father (SAM HAZELDINE – THE MECHANIC 2) of terminal cancer with some weird caterpillars (the only thing worth watching in the whole film is this special effect!)
Anyway, the plots gets equally derailed by having us follow around a stroppy, pregnant teenager, a baddy that’s about as scary as Count Duckula (poor Anna Walton a good actress trapped in terrible movies), and a confusing logic set. This is our humdrum world were ghosts hang around, ordinary people are devil worshippers and talented actors get upstaged by a handful of creepy crawlies. Some decent special effects aside and a few creative and bloody scenes aside, this is largely a snooze-fest. It’s not the worst Irish film I’ve seen, that could be the Vinnie Jones‘ starrer – Stories from the Bog or whatever it was called. But it could have been a bit more energetic and a bit livelier. Soft porn and gore aside, this isn’t worth recommending to anybody except perverted bin men… or Matt Usher , but even he didn’t like it. See review below.
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THIS ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Anna Walton: Soulmate, The Seasoning House, Deviation, The Mutant Chronicles, Hellboy 2
- Naomi Battrick: Mum’s List, Whiskey Galore (2016), Waterlo Road (TV), Down Dog, Blood (2013)
- Sam Hazeldine: The Mechanic 2, The Huntsman – Winter’s War, Grimsby, Still, ’71, The Machine (2014), The Monuments Men, Peaky Blinders (TV), Dead Mine, The Raven, Don’t Let Him In, Weekender
- Valerie O’Connor: Red Rock (TV)
- Patrick Gibson: Gold, What Richard Did