2 out of 10
REVIEW COMING SOON
Release date: 23rd January 2016 (DVD Premiere)
Cast: Glenn Salvage, Adam Collins, Marcus Langford, Dean Leon Finlan, Georgia Annable, Richard Carter with Raven Lee and Steven Dolton
Writer: Steve Lawson
Trailer: ESSEX HEIST
Essex Heist is Steve Lawson‘s best film since his debut The Silencer. Yes you read that right. Maybe it’s because both of these feature my co-critic Matt Usher‘s favourite actor Glenn Salvage (NEVER LET GO) in, or is it just a sad fact that all Lawson’s films are a new order of terrible. The good thing about Steve Lawson‘s films is that he takes the craft very seriously. He know’s how to frame and light a shot, his camera angles and movements are very professional. Where he falls down, and he falls down further and harder than most is in his insistance on showing off his non-skills as a director/script writer. The actors, no matter how talented that may have been in other films, aren’t expert enough to make his scripts even remotely convincing. The storylines and their lines of dialogue are just shit and they sound like they were written by someone who only vaguely understands the English language.
Jez (Salvage) runs a back street garage for paedophile gangster Terry Slade (STEVEN DOLTON – ROBERT 2). When he learns that Slade is transporting a million quid across town later that week he decides to plan a heist, a plan so devious even my dog could have decipered it. So feeble minded is the plan, and so drop dead dumb are the perpertrators that when it transpires that the booty has been swapped for SPOILER wads of paper the mechanics turn on one another, and the bodies stack higher.We are treated to a reasonably good martial arts fight near the end but on the whole this is 90 % cinematic torture by way of frontal lobotamy. Mind you the opening line where Jez introduces himself in an award winning (unintentional humour in the movies category award winner tm) is a classic… I won’t spoilt the line where he describes his Mum… Classic.
2 out 10 – For fans of Steve Lawson only…. hello! hello? Come back….
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Glenn Salvage: Aux, Never Let Go, Footsoldier (voice), The Dead – Africa, Ten Dead Men, Underground (2008), The Silencer, Left For Dead
- Adam Collins: Killer/Saurus
- Raven Lee: Hellriser, The Haunting of Annie Dyer
- Steven Dolton: Hellriser, The Haunting of Annie Dyer, Robert 2, Killer/Saurus, Devil’s Tower, Zombie Undead