BROKEN (2017)

3.5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 20th February 2017 (DVD premiere)

Director: Shaun Robert Smith

Cast: Morjana Alaoui, Mel Raido, Craig Conway, Patrick Toomey, Stephanie Thomas, Natalie Louise Garcia and Bill Fellows

Writer: Craig Conway & Shaun Robert Smith

Trailer: BROKEN (2017)

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

YOU’RE UGLY TOO

9.5 out of 10

This is an Irish film

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 24th July 2015

Director: Mark Noonan

Cast: Aiden Gillen, Lauren Kinsella, Erika Sainte and George Pistereanu

Writer: Mark Noonan

Trailer:

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Aiden Gillen: Pickups, King Arthur – Legend of the Sword, Sing Street, Maze Runner 2, Game Of Thrones (TV),  Still, Calvary, Mister JohnShadow DancerTreacle Jr, The Dark Knight Rises, BlitzWake Wood, Twelve Rounds, The Wire (TV), Shanghai Knights, The Low Down, Queer As Folk (TV), My Kingdom, Some Mother’s Son, Mojo, Circle Of Friends
  • Lauren Kinsella: Albert Nobbs
  • Erika Sainte: Moonwalkers

MOLLY MOON & THE INCREDIBLE BOOK OF HYPNOTISM

3.5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 2nd December 2016

Director: Christopher N Rowley

Cast: Raffey Cassidy, Dominic Monaghan, Lesley Manville, Jadon Carnelly-Morris, Ben Miller, Sadie Frost, Annie-Marie Duff, Celia Imrie, Tallulah Evans, Tom Wisdom, Fern Deacon and Emily Watson with Omid Djalili, Gary Kemp and Joan Collins

Writer: Christopher N Rowley, Tom Butterworth, Georgia Bing, and Chris Hurford

Trailer: MOLLY MOON

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

DARKEST DAWN

1.5 out of 10

Release date:  27th March 2017 (DVD premiere)

Director: Drew Casson (Hungerford)

Cast: Drew Casson, Bethan Mary Leadley, Cherry Wallis, Tom Scarlett, Sam Carter, Mark Cusack, Jamie Paul, Mawaan Rizwan, Jesse Cleverly, Stuart Ashen, Sarah Perugia, Georgia Bradley

Writer: Drew Casson and Jesse Cleverly

Trailer: THE DARKEST DAWN

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Director, writer and actor of this sci-fi The Darkest Dawn, Drew Casson does have some talent. His low-budget special effects are amazing for the amount of budget they had to play with. He really should have concentrated on this area rather than trying to be all things to all film fans because he crashes and burns in all over departments. As a director, film actor and writer he’s fucking crap. This highly derivative, cringy, awful sci-fi is is emblematic of everything that’s wrong with low-budget filmmaking. Talentless divs, who clearly don’t know a thing about storytelling getting hold of a camera and some mates to give themselves the illusion their working on something worthwhile. Remarkably, this is the break-out result of a YouTube series of shorts and the second in the Hungerford trilogy. Hungerford is only availble online at the moment, so its a strange decision for GiltMedia to release it on DVD without the first installment.

This sequel, begins with new leads, sisters Chloe (BETH MARY LEADEN) and Sam (CHERRY WALLIS) who are survivors of an ongoing alien attack. The bugs jump out of alien spaceships and turn their prey into zombies (I think). They run into the main characters from part one led by Drew Casson’s Cohen, and a few others who are looking for Adam’s (TOM SCARLETT) sister.  They go on a hunt across Berkshire looking for her, avoiding detection from the bugs, zombies and hostile survivors.

The acting is uniformly terrible from all except for Tom Scarlett, who shows some promise. The script and the scenarios are disastrous and as I said cringy and awful. You’ll not hear dialogue as rotten as this for a long time. Casson makes the UK’s answer to Uwe Boll, Steven M Smith look like David Mamet. Characters flit in and out, with the mood swings of a 14 year-old. Supposedly smart characters act stupid, sensitive characters act selfishly, and it’s possibly a candidate for the worst end of the world film I’ll ever watch. If it wasn’t for the very good special effects – depicting invading space ships, collapsing buildings, smashed vehicles, The Darkest Dawn would be scoring minus points. It’s straight-to-camera addresses by the main character, Chloe, are an embarrassing assortment of unrealistic confessions and badly written messages to their missing mother. A tired device that baffles all the more as it never seems to lose charge and is largely indestructable. Before kids like this make any films in the future they should find a writer, find some really good actors and rehearse for weeks to get the performances nailed before subjecting film fans to yet another amateur hour special. The pursuit for fame is littered with these have-a-go-bellends wasting our time with their shit passion projects. Tiresome, atrocious and a real bunch of bullshit.

1.5 out of 10 – Impressive, cheap special effects are all there is to recommend in this copy-cat homage to way better end of the world movies. Unbelievably, this is a sequel to something someone somewhere thought was worth following up. Total shit.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Drew Casson: Hungerford (dir)
  • Tom Scarlett: Hungerford
  • Sam Carter: Hungerford
  • Mark Cusack: Hungerford
  • Georgia Bradley: Hungerford

WE STILL STEAL THE OLD WAY

3 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 17th April 2017 (DVD premiere)

Director: Sacha Bennett (Tango One / We Still Kill The Old Way / Get Lucky / Outside Bet / Bonded By Blood)

Cast: Ian Ogilvy, Tony Denham, Chris Ellison, Billy Murray, Lysette Anthony, Nicky Henson, Deborah Moore, Julian Glover, Tanya Franks, Sean Cronin, Linal Haft, Keith-Lee Castle, Brian Croucher, Michael Jenn, Damola Onadeko, Cristian Solimeno, Sean Blowers, Sam Rix with Anouska Mond, Vas Blackwood and Patrick Bergin

Writer: Simon Cluett & Sacha Bennett

Trailer: WE STILL STEAL THE OLD WAY

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WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

LONDON TOWN

3.5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 11th October 2016 (DVD premiere)

Director: Derrick Borte (The Joneses)

Cast: Daniel Huttlestone, Dougray Scott, Nell Williams, Natascha McElhone, Anya McKenna-Bruce, Samuel Robertson, Jack Morris with Tom Hughes and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers

Writer: Matt Boyd & Sonya Gildea

Trailer: LONDON TOWN

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A wishful-thinking fantasy that throws real-life famous people into a fictional brush with the ordinary is what London Town is. We’ve been here with The Committments and Hear My Song.  Anonymous non-famous person has a brush with fame and is star-struck when fame reaches out and pats them on the head. This time it’s Joe Strummer of The Clash (JONATHAN RHYS-MEYERS – MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3) turn to get the re-imagining. He cameos in a tale of rote derring do, which sees Shay (DANIEL HUTTLESTONE – LES MISERABLES) as 15 year old who has a brush with the late 70s punk-scene when he runs into Vivian (NELL WILLIAMS) and follows her to some gigs and a record shop that stand in for London. Meanwhile he has to look after his 6 year old sister whilst his taxi-driver/piano shop owner father (DOUGRAY SCOTT – MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2) recovers in hospital after a bad accident. Meanwhile, he becomes obsessed with his errant mother played by Natascha McElhone (SOLARIS) who lives down in London in a squat with a bunch of artists, hippies, and punks. She’s a bad mother who falls from mythical status to reprobate in a few predictable scenes.

And that’s London Town’s problem is it’s lack of authenticity. Beyond a good but empty performance from Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, this coming of age tale doesn’t miss a single cliched beat. The dialogue is too modern, people never spoke like that back in the 1980s, I was there. TV exec demands or lazy writing it still adds to the annoying pile of unimaginative story turns this takes. It lacks charm despite the best efforts of the young lead, Daniel Huttlestone, who was so good as Gavroche in Les Miserables. Nell Williams is rather flat as the punk kid with a secret, so the love affair has no spark. Dougray Scott scraps over whatever’s left but is largely sidelined in a slim role in a film full of wax dummies. The climax where Shay puts on a concert to save his dad’s shop – advertising Strummer as the headliner is dead-eyed and rushed. The scene has no spirit or life, and is over before it starts. I bored the law and bore won.

3.5 out of 10 – It’s an exercise in cookie-cutter filmmaking for people who don’t like originality in their films. A trip down memory lane for those that weren’t there. Punk purists would hate it. I bored the law and bore won.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Daniel Huttlestone: The Lost City of Z, Into the Woods, Les Miserables (2013)
  • Dougray Scott: The Rezort, Snatch (TV), Fear The Walking Dead (TV), Taken 3, Tiger House, The Last Passenger, Dr Who (TV), Death Race 3, A Thousand Kisses Deep, My Week With Marilyn, Love’s Kitchen, United, New Town Killers, Hitman, Desperate Housewives (TV), Dark Water, One Last Chance, To Kill a King, Ripley’s Game, Enigma, Mission Impossible 2, Gregory’s Girl 2, This Year’s Love, Ever After, Deep Impact, Another 9.5 Weeks, Twin Town, The Crow Road (TV), Soldier Soldier (TV)
  • Natascha McElhone: Mr Church, Believe, The Sea, Californication (TV), Romeo & Juliet (2014), The Kid (2010), Big Nothing, Guy X, Ladies In Lavendar, Solaris (2012), feardotcom, Killing Me Softly, Love’s Labours Lost, Ronin, The Truman Show, Miss Dalloway, The Devil’s Own, Surviving Picasso
  • Samuel Robertson: The Legend of Barney Thompson
  • Tom Hughes: Dare To Be Wild, 8 Minutes Idle, I Am SoldierAbout Time, Cemetery JunctionSex & Drugs & Rock-N-Roll
  • Jonathan Rhys-Meyers: Vikings (TV), Stonewall, The Mortal Instruments, Albert Nobbs, The Tudors (TV), From Paris With Love, August Rush, Mission Impossible 3, Match Point, Alexander, Vanity Fair (2004), I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead, Octane, Bend It Like Beckham, Prozac Nation, Ride With The Devil, Titus, The Loss of Sexual Innocence, The Governess, The Tribe, Velvet Goldmine, The Disappearance of Finbar

 

VICEROY’S HOUSE

3.5 out of 10

UK/India co-production

Release date: 3rd March 2017

Director: Gurinder Chadha  (Viceroy’s House / It’s Wonderful Afterlife / Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging / Paris Je T’Aime / Bride and Prejudice / Bend It Like Beckham / Bhaji On The Beach)

Cast: Hugh Bonneville, Gillian Anderson, Michael Gambon, Om Puri, Manish Dayal, Huma Qureshi, Neeraj Kabi, Denzil Smith, Tanveer Ghani, Lily Travers, Simon Williams, Darshan Jariwala, Arunoday Singh, Jaz Deol, Roberta Taylor  with David Hayman and Simon Callow

Writer: Gurinder Chadha, Paul Mayeda Berges & Moira Buffini

Trailer: VICEROY’S HOUSE

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Hugh Bonneville: Paddington 2, Paddington, Downton Abbey (TV), W1A (TV), Muppets Most Wanted, The Monuments Men, The Return Of Captain Nemo (2013), Third Star,  Burke & Hare, Glorious 39, Iris, Mansfield Park, Notting Hill
  • Gillian Anderson: Crooked House, American Gods (TV), The X-Files (TV), Robot Overlords, The Fall (TV), Hannibal (TV),  Mr Morgan’s Last Love, Shadow DancerJohnny English 2, How To Lose Friends and Alienate People, A  Cock and Bull Story, Straightheads, The Last King Of Scotland, The House Of Mirth, The X-Files 2, Playing By Heart, The Mighty, The X-Files
  • Michael Gambon: Dad’s Army, Paddington (voice), Fortitude (TV), Quartet, The King’s Speech, Harry Potter – parts 2-8, The Book Of Eli, Fantastic Mr Fox (voice), Brideshead Revisited (2008), The Good Night, The Good Shepherd, The Omen (2006), The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou,  Layer Cake, Sky Captain and The World Of Tomorrow, Sylvia, Open Range, The Actors, Ali G In Da House, Charlotte Gray, Gosford Park, High Heels and Low Lifes, Sleepy Hollow, The insider, Plunkett & Macleane, Dancing at Lughnasa, The Gambler, Wings Of The Dove, Mary Reilly, The Innocent Sleep, Two Deaths, Nothing Personal, A Man Of No Importance, The Browning Version (1994), Toys, Mobsters, The Cook The Thief His Wife and Her Lover, A Dry White Season, The Rachel Papers, Paris By Night, The Singing Detective (TV)
  • Om Puri: The Hundred-Foot Journey, The Reluctant Fundamentalist, West Is West, Shoot On Sight, Charlie Wilson’s War, The Ballad Of Mangal Pandey (voice), Code 46, The Parole Officer, East Is East, Such a Long Journey, My Son The Fanatic, The Ghost and The Darkness, Brothers In Trouble, Wolf (1994), In Custody, City Of Joy
  • Manish Dayal: Agents of SHIELD (TV), The Hundred-Foot Journey, 90210 (TV)
  • Denzil Smith: The Lunchbox
  • Tanveer Ghani: Amar Akbar & Tony, Eastenders (TV), Bhaji On The Beach
  • Lily Travers: Me Before You
  • Simon Williams: Holby City (TV), Doctor Who (TV), The Fiendish Plot of Dr Fu Manchu, The Prisoner of Zenda, Jabberwocky, Upstairs Downstairs (TV), The Blood of Satan’s Claw
  • Roberta Taylor: Green Street 3, The Bill (TV), Eastenders (TV), Tom & Viv
  • David Hayman: Taboo (TV), Macbeth (2015), Dartmoor Killing, Queen & Country, Castles In The Sky, Jack Ryan – Shadow Recruit, Sawney – Flesh of Man, ScrewedBurke and Hare, Flood, The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas, Rag Tale, Tailor Of Panama, Vertical Limit, The Match, My Name Is Joe, Smilla’s Feeling For Snow, Regeneration, The Jackal, The Near Room (dir),  Twin Town,  Rob Roy, The Hawk (dir), Venus Peter, Silent Scream (dir), Hope and Glory, Sid & Nancy
  • Simon Callow: Hampstead, Golden Years, Outlander (TV), Love’s Kitchen, Ripley Underground, The Phantom of the Opera (2004), Bright Young Things, Thunderpants, No Man’s Land, Shakespeare In Love, Bedrooms and Hallways, The Scarlet Tunic, James and The Giant Peach (voice), Ace Ventura 2, Jefferson In Paris, Streetfighter, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Soft Top Hard Shoulder, Mr & Mrs Bridge, Postcards From The Edge, Maurice, A Room With a View, Amadeus