1 out of 10
REVIEW COMING SOON
Release date: 8th May 2017 (DVD Premiere)
Director: Ian Powell & Karl Ward (Ripper 2)
Cast: Kelby Keenan, Thomas Thoroe, Josh Myers, Kunjue Li, Georgia Maguire, Ian Weichardt, Jack Brown, Vincent Dr Paul, Edward J Englander, Iulia Benze with Khan Bonfils and Andrew Shires
Writer: Ian Powell
Here’s a terribly boring thriller that has the nerve to tell the viewer what makes for a good horror film, yet fails in every way, when it comes under scrutiny. A group of wankers meet to win a prize for writing the best horror screenplay. They all have to stay together in a spooky Whitechapel warehouse – where did they find one of those that hasn’t been turned into a hipster bar? One of the contestants is a boring goth girl (KELBY KEENAN) who has been gifted the actual knives Jack The Ripper (ANDREW SHIRES – RIPPER 2) used to murder his victims. Guess what? He wants them back, all the while uncovering a generations old secret, you’d be dying to find the answer to. Errr.
Slower than your average mould crawling up a mountain, with a script that would embarass Steve M Smith (Borstal), this starts off with having to sit through a seminar on how to write the perfect horror. Being given a lecture, isn’t it. Having dim characters sleepwalk for 20 minutes to reveal its a dream sequence does not get the heart pumping either. Also, nicking the plot of Dracula doesn’t win it points either – with characters shouting, “It was always youuuuu!” whilst gurgling blood isn’t deep and meaningful either. Pity poor Josh Myers (usually dependable as hard men – here relegated to being the dim one out of The Inbetweeners) and Georgia Maguire (so bloody good in Love Me Till Monday). It’s utterly suspenseless, slow and dimwitted, and the worst kind of horror in thinking its the beeknees. It’s been made by film geeks who think filmmaking is easy, yet being nerdy is not enough. Having the right camera isn’t enough. If you don’t have a good script save us all the bother. I can’t believe these talentless prats think this was good enought to make a sequel but no, we’ve now got Ripper 2 to look forward to. I’d sooner see Flipper 2.
1 out of 10 – Dead as a doornail. These knives are blunt. A missed opportunity to take the Jack The Ripper myth somewhere a bit interesting.
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Thomas Thoroe: The Hooligan Wars
- Josh Myers: Once Upon a Time In London, Rise of the Footsoldier 3, Bonded By Blood 2, Fall of the Krays, Anti-Social, Meet The Firm – White Collar Hooligan 3, I Am Soldier, Green Street 3, Zombie Diaries 2, Psychosis
- Kunjue Li: Knights of the Damned
- Georgia Maguire: Captain Webb, Love Me Till Monday
- Khan Bonfils: Traveller, Star Wars – Phantom Menace
- Andrew Shire: Ripper 2