2.5 out of 10
Release date: TBC (UK)
Director: Jason Flemyng
Cast: Billy Cook, Eve Myles, Charlie Cox, Mackenzie Crook, Tony Curran, Freema Agyeman, Robert Portal, Annette Crosbie, Ruth Jones, Johnny Palmiero, Lukaz Leong, Jordan Long, Alistair Petrie, Nicholas Rowe, Nick Moran with Dexter Fletcher and Vincent Regan
Writer: Danny King
Trailer: EAT LOCAL
Whilst this isn’t the Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels reunion you’d hoped for – two leads behind, and two leads in front of the camera, Eat Local still has a knockabout sense of fun. However, little of the juice translates to the finished product, with virtually all of the decent gags spunking off in the trailer. Actor-turned-have-a-go-director Jason Flemyng (THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON) turns in this remix of Dog Soldiers (werewolves vs squaddies is swapped for squaddies vs vampires), only he’s ended up with a remake of Lesbian Vampire Killers, the Un-DOA horror-comedy vehicle for James Corden and Matthew Vaughn.
A coven of vampires meet for an AGM in a serial-killer’s cottage (DEXTER FLETCHER – CARAVAGGIO), only to find out that they are being watched very closely by the British Army led by Robert Portal (STIFF UPPER LIPS) and Mackenzie Crook (PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN). Throw into the mix a pure-breed cockney gangster/gypsy who, unbenownst to him, is being lined up as a new vampire lord. He is about to get turned when the army burst in and the bullets, and stakes begin to fly.
I wish I could say there’s fun to be had for the viewer, but Billy Cook is no Danny Dyer, so casting your mind back to the similar Doghouse, and the horror Severance, the former just doesn’t cut it in the comedy stakes. Laugh out loud moments are very rare, especially if you’ve seen the trailer, and there are no memorable scenes to make this stand out in any way. Stalwarts like Vincent Regan (LOCK OUT) and Annette Crosbie (MONARCH OF THE GLEN) look like they are having a good time, but like the rest of the variable cast they are wasted.
Eat Local plays like a squandered opportunity. Competently made, it still gets by on a wing and prayer. Of the four leads from Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, for some the quintessential Brit-gangster caper comedy, Dexter Fletcher is the most visible, in a supporting role as a murderous farmer, Jason Flemyng directs, Nick Moran (LONDON HEIST) is one of the soldiers (for a walk-on) and Jason Statham remains off-screen but did the fight choreography for the one martial arts scene – which is fairly good to be charitable. Oh and fifth cast member Nicholas Rowe (YOUNG SHERLOCK) was also in Lock Stock too. It’s a small bit of trivia thats unlikely to impress that many people.
Eat Local does very little to distinguish itself, except that Flemyng has drew in a super cast, full of British film and TV faves. The trouble is that all that good will has come to nothing and its really sad to have felt my interest in the film on the wain really early on. It’s a good idea and a tight scenario, it’s just a shame that the writers forgot to write any good jokes as this is as funny as Zero Dark Thirty and the Hurt Locker put together.
It’s also part produced by the gruesome twosome of Jonathan Sothcott and Neil Jones – the former is an inconsistent force in low-budget filmmaking in the UK, with a hit rate of 1.5 movies in 5. Neil Jones is a sloppy film director who would be better off directing traffic. As for Flemyng as director, you’d have thought his BFF, Dexter Fletcher (who also directs), would have given him some tips on how to make a great film.
2.5 out of 10 – A flat movie experience, which was probably a hoot to make. Flemyng has a lot of friends in high places and draws and awesome cast but then forgets to return the favour by gifting them worthwhile roles. Fangs a lot, Jase.
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Billy Cook: Trespass Against Us, The Hooligan Factory, Traveller, Green Street 3
- Eve Myles: Broadchurch (TV), Torchwood (TV), Little Dorrit (TV), Dr Who (TV)
- Charlie Cox: Daredevil (TV), The Theory of Everything, Hello Carter, Boardwalk Empire (TV), Glorious 39, Stone of Destiny, Stardust, Casanova, The Merchant of Venice (2004)
- Mackenzie Crook: Watership Down (voice)(2017), In Secret, Muppets Most Wanted, One Chance, Cheerful Weather For The Wedding, Game of Thrones (TV), Tintin (voice), Ironclad, Sex & Drugs & Rock-N-Roll, Solomon Kane, Three and Out, City of Ember, Pirates Of The Caribbean 3, I Want Candy, Pirates Of The Caribbean 2, The Brothers Grimm, Churchill – The Hollywood Years, Finding Neverland, The Merchant Of Venice (2004), Sex Lives Of The Potato Men, Pirates Of The Caribbean, The Office (TV)
- Tony Curran: Calibre, Awaiting, Marvellous, Thor 2, In The Dark Half, X-Men – First Class, Tintin (voice), The Veteran, Ondine, Underworld 2, The Good German, Red Road, Blade 2, The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Captives, This Life (TV)
- Freema Agyeman: North V South, Old Jack’s Boat (TV), Law & Order UK (TV), Dr Who (TV), Little Dorrit (TV), Torchwood (TV)
- Robert Portal: 6 Days, Kids In Love, United We Fall, Mr Turner, Mother’s Milk, In Your Dreams, Stiff Upper Lips, Mrs Dalloway
- Annette Crosbie: Dad’s Army, Into The Woods, What We Did On Our Holiday, Little Dorrit (TV), Calendar Girls, One Foot In The Grave (TV), The Debt Collector, Shooting Fish, Doctor Finlay (TV), Solitaire For 2, Leon The Pig Farmer, The Pope Must Die, Hawk The Slayer
- Ruth Jones: Stella (TV), Gavin & Stacey (TV), Little Dorrit (TV), Saxondale (TV), Little Britain (TV), Fat Friends (TV), Heartlands, The Theory of Flight
- Johnny Palmiero: Collide, Tango One, Bonded By Blood 2, Rise of the Footsoldier 2, Age of Kill, We Still Kill The Old Way, Top Dog, Bonded By Blood, The Kid (2010), Green Street
- Alistair Petrie: Silent Hours, Star Wars – Rogue One, Kicking Off, The Night Manager (TV), Victor Frankenstein, The Face Of An Angel, A Little Chaos, Vendetta, Rush (2013), Ashes, Devil’s Playground
- Nicholas Rowe: Old Boys, A United Kingdom, Snowden, Mr Holmes, Da Vinci’s Demons (TV), Dr Who (TV), Seed of Chucky, Nicholas Nickleby (2002), Enigma, Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, True Blue, Young Sherlock Holmes, Another Country
- Nick Moran: Accident Man, The Habit of Beauty, Terminal, London Heist, My Name Is Lenny, Don’t Knock Twice, Age of Kill, Down Dog, Death (2014), St George’s Day, The Kid (2010) (dir), Goal 3, Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Pt 1 & 2, Telstar (dir), The Baby Juice Express, Puritan, The Musketeer, Another Life, Rancid Aluminium, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
- Dexter Fletcher: Terminal, Smoking Guns, Eddie The Eagle (dir), Age of Kill, The Coven, Muppets Most Wanted, Sunshine On Leith (dir), Cockneys Vs. Zombies, St. George’s Day, Wild Bill (2012) (dir),The Three Musketeers (2011), Everywhere + Nowhere, Kick Ass, Jack Falls, Dead Cert, Baseline, In Your Dreams, Stardust, Below, Layer Cake, Doom, Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, The Rachel Papers, The Raggedy Rawney, Caravaggio, Press Gang (TV)
- Vincent Regan: Tango One,City of Tiny Lights, The Last Photograph, Top Dog, Vendetta, St. George’s Day, Outside Bet, Snow White & The Huntsman, Lock Out, Ghost Rider 2, Bonded By Blood, The Holding, The Big I Am, 300, Hard Men