1.5 out of 10
Release date: 1st October 2014 (DVD premiere)
Director: Dan Brownlie (The Tombs)
Cast: Debbie Rochon, Dani Thompson, Suzi Lorraine, Stuart Brennan, Brad Glen, Jess Impiazzi, Ashleigh Lawrence, Paul Chaplin, Jessica Ann-Brownlie, Suzy Deakin, Brandy Brewer, Adam A Park, Christopher Rithin with Lucinda Rhodes and Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace
Writer: Dan Brownlie
Trailer: SERIAL KALLER
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dafter slasher flick than Serial Kaller. The cast list reads like a Boys Mag fan’s answer to The Expendables. It’s as if the makers just expected the viewers to be so entranced by the boobies, legs, and bums on offer that they wouldn’t notice that the thriller and horror element is really badly ‘executed’ . The gore effects and the music is so cheap and awful and badly put together it’s as if they went in defeated before the script was finished. The girls put in game performances but as there are no stunt-women on hand to do any of the ‘action’ said action scenes are laughably bad and slow of pace. Characters getting murdered, gurn, gurgle and cross their eyes to comedy effect and fall over slowly to make sure the landing doesn’t hurt.
The plot so to speak tells the story of a vengeful little boy who grows up with a hate of call girls, so one night goes to a studio and kills everybody inside. This proceeds over the last hour. Nobody seems to notice about 10 girls go missing (because they are being murdered) until the ending when the cast is whittled down to 3. Stuart Brennan (PLAN Z) turns up as the owner of the company and is the closest we get to a real actor. Poor us. His character is the chief suspect throughout (according to the makers) but you won’t be in any doubt as to who it really is when you see the mystery killer going about their business.
For those looking for titilation, you’ll have to imagine it. I think there’s the start of a sex scene, where the girl can’t tell the difference in taste between blood and semen. OK, maybe I should delete this last bit because this is an assumption… haha. You also don’t get to see any bare boobs. Sorry guys. So yes, Serial Kaller even fails to deliver as a soft-porn exploitation flick. Instead it’s a dead slow, poorly made, unfunny, unscary, unentertaining gore porn bore. Oh yeah it’s got Aisleyne from Big Brother 1935 in it too! Wow oh wow.
1.5 out of 10 – Sadly, if this is a tribute to 80s video nasties, you’ll still be disappointed as it is instead an unsexy horror flick with no sex, no thrill, and too much lame kill.
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Dani Thompson: Rock Band vs Vampires, Nightmare on 34th Street, Carnivore, Essex Vendetta
- Suzi Lorraine: Dead of the Nite
- Stuart Brennan: A Christmas Carol (2017), Tomorrow (2017), Plan Z, The Reverend (2012), Risen, Jack Said
- Lucinda Rhodes: No Reasons, K-Shop, Mob Handed, Essex Vendetta
- Jess Impiazzi: The Tombs, Retribution, Dangerous Game, Ex On The Beach (TV), The Only Way Is Essex (TV)
- Ashleigh Lawrence: Convention of the Dead
- Jessica Ann-Brownlie: The Tombs, Conjuring The Dead, Devil’s Tower
- Christopher Rithin: Axed
- Brandy Brewer: Dangerous Game
- Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace: Anuvahood, Celebrity Big Brother (TV), Big Brother 2006 (TV)