HECTOR

7 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 11th December 2015

Director: Jake Gavin

Cast: Peter Mullan, Natalie Gavin, Sarah Solemani, Keith Allen, Laurie Ventry,  Ewan Stewart, James Tarpey, Christine Tremarco,  Darren Connolly, Hardeep Singh Kohli, Finlay McLean, Sharon Rooney, with Gina McKee and Stephen Tompkinson

Writer: Jake Gavin

Trailer: HECTOR

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Peter Mullan: Keepers, Sunset Song, Sunshine On Leith, Hercules (2014), The LiabilityWelcome To The PunchThe Man Inside (2012), War Horse, TyrannosaurNeds, True North, Children Of Men, Criminal (2004), The Magdalene Sisters (director), On a Clear Day, Young Adam, The Claim (2000), Orphans (director), Miss Julie, My Name Is Joe, Trainspotting, Shallow Grave, Riff Raff
  • Natalie Gavin: The Knife That Killed Me, The Arbor, Shameless (TV)
  • Sarah Solemani: Bridget Jones 3, The Bad Education Movie, The Wrong Mans (TV), Psychobitches (TV), Bad Education (TV)
  • Keith Allen: Vengeance, 2Hrs, Eddie The Eagle, North V SouthBlood Shot, The Last Showing, Vinyl, The Magnificent Eleven, Come On Eileen, The Good Night, De-Lovely, 24 Hour Party People, The Others, Rancid Aluminium, Preaching To The Perverted, Twin Town, Trainspotting, Loch Ness, Blue Juice, Shallow Grave, Second Best, Captives, Beyond Bedlam, The Young Americans. The Comic Strip (TV), Carry On Columbus, Rebecca’s Daughters, Kafka, Making Out (TV), Chicago Joe & The Showgirl, Scandal, The Supergrass
  • Laurie Ventry: The Magdalene Sisters, Late Night Shopping
  • Ewan Stewart: Florence Foster Jenkins, Valhalla Rising, One Last Chance, Young Adam, The Closer You Get, Titanic (1997), Stella Does Tricks
  • James Tarpey: Robot Overlords, The Beat Beneath My Feet
  • Christine Tremarco: ID2, Casualty (TV), Outcast (2010), Waterloo Road (TV), Anita & Me, Clocking Off (TV), Face, Under The Skin (1997), Priest (1994)
  • Darren Connolly: The Caravan
  • Hardeep Singh Kohli: The Wright Stuff (TV), Meet The Magoons (TV), The One Show (TV), Celebrity Masterchef (TV)
  • Finlay McLean: Regeneration
  • Sharon Rooney: My Mad Fat Diary (TV)
  • Gina McKee: Line of Duty (TV), In The Loop, When Was The Last Time You Saw Your Father, Atonement, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, The Adventures of Greyfriars Bobby, Mirrormask, The Forsyte Saga (TV), The Lost Prince, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, There’s Only One Jimmy Grimble, Wonderland (2000), Notting Hill, The Loss of Sexual Innocence, Croupier, Brass Eye (TV), Our Friends In The North (TV), Naked, Wilt, The Rachel Papers, The Lenny Henry Show (TV), The Lair of the White Worm
  • Stephen Tompkinson: Walk Like a Panther, A Dark Reflection, DCI Banks (TV), Detective Harrigan, Truckers (TV) Prime Suspect 7 (TV), Hotel Splendide, Drop The Dead Donkey (TV), Brassed Off, All Quiet On The Preston Front (TV), Minder (TV), Chancer (TV)

YOU’RE UGLY TOO

9.5 out of 10

This is an Irish film

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 24th July 2015

Director: Mark Noonan

Cast: Aiden Gillen, Lauren Kinsella, Erika Sainte and George Pistereanu

Writer: Mark Noonan

Trailer:

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Aiden Gillen: Pickups, King Arthur – Legend of the Sword, Sing Street, Maze Runner 2, Game Of Thrones (TV),  Still, Calvary, Mister JohnShadow DancerTreacle Jr, The Dark Knight Rises, BlitzWake Wood, Twelve Rounds, The Wire (TV), Shanghai Knights, The Low Down, Queer As Folk (TV), My Kingdom, Some Mother’s Son, Mojo, Circle Of Friends
  • Lauren Kinsella: Albert Nobbs
  • Erika Sainte: Moonwalkers

TIN

3 out of 10

Release date: 17th April 2015

Director: Bill Scott

Cast: Jenny Agutter, Helen Bendell, Ben Dyson, Dean Nolan, Stuart Boother, Jason Squibb, Benjamin Luxon and Dudley Sutton

Writer: Bill Scott

Trailer: TIN

CM_Tin_web_landscape_plus_quote_96dpi

An unusual import from Kernow this ‘ere film Tin. Whilst it’s not the am-dram shocker you might expect to see like Draw On Sweet Night, this is a flawed but noble effort to deliver something a bit different. Definitely a film about Cornwall, for Cornish folk, made in the main by a Cornish theatre group, Tin tells the story of the tin mine Wheal Fortune and what happens when the owners try to swindle the bank out of some money. The scam backfires when the shares are unwittingly bought back by a meddling do-gooder.  Elsewhere, a young girl Nell (HELEN BLENDELL) decides whether her heart belongs with a local clergy man (JASON SQUIBB – POLDARK) or a travelling actor (STUART BOOTHER – DEAD OF THE NITE). Her master is the captain of the mine, (BEN DYSON – BROWN WILLY) a deluded god-fearing man who was privvy to the swindle and fears that he may burn in hell. Many of the scenes scuttle past without muster, and some are long musical pieces that demonstrate how well the cast can sing a Cornish choral-ditty. However, few of the scenes catch fire, and the cast are vastly uneven. Some are seasoned pros like Dudley Sutton (ORLANDO) or Jenny Agutter (WALKABOUT) where as others are first-timers and stumble at some of the easiest hurdles.

The cost-cutting device of using green-screen for some of the scenes, with projections of old photographs of the old streets and mines of the 19th century. Some of the scenes are set on real cliffs and beaches though, or on physical indoor sets. An outdoor privee features in many scenes… hmmm.

Cluttered, muddled yet fairly unique, it’s a tough ask to get anybody who lives outside of Cornwall to sit and watch this. Whilst it’s not flat or boring, it’s just messy and incoherent to impediment of a committed cast that could have made this interesting subject fly. Instead it’s permanently grounded and fairly confusing.

3 out of 10 – A bold attempt to shine a light on a forgotten period in Cornish history is marred by fussy production values, incoherent plot and erratic performances.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Jenny Agutter: Call The Midwife (TV), Queen of the Desert, Captain America 2, Avenger’s Assemble, Outside Bet, Burke and Hare, Glorious 39, Blue Juice,  Child’s Play 2, Dark Man,  An American Werewolf In London, Equus, The Eagle Has Landed, Logan’s Run (1976),  Walkabout, The Railway Children
  • Ben Dyson: Brown Willy
  • Dean Nolan: Weekend Retreat
  • Stuart Boother: Dead of the Nite
  • Jason Squibb: Poldark (TV)
  • Dudley Sutton: Fall of An Empire, Weekend Retreat, Cockneys Vs. ZombiesOutside Bet, The Shouting Men, Lovejoy (TV), Dean Spanley, Eastenders (TV), The Football Factory, The Tichborne Claimant, Incognito (1997), Orlando, Edward II, The Rainbow, The Devils, The London Connection, The Pink Panther Strikes Again, The Leather Boys

IONA

6 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release Date: 25th March 2016

Director: Scott Graham (Shell)

Cast: Ruth Negga, Douglas Henshall, Ben Gallagher, Sorcha Groundsell, Michelle Duncan and Tom Brooke

Writer: Scott Graham

Trailer: IONA

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Ruth Negga: Warcraft, Preacher (TV), Agents of SHIELD (TV), Noble, Jimi, Misfits (TV), Isolation, Breakfast On Pluto
  • Douglas Henshall: Party Pieces, Salvation, Outlander (TV), Shetland (TV), The Eagle, Dorian Gray, Lawless Heart, Primeval (TV), This Year’s Love, Orphans, Fast Food, If Only, Angels & Insects
  • Michelle Duncan: The Broken
  • Tom Brooke: Preacher (TV), Game of Thrones (TV), The Veteran, The Boat That Rocked

DRAW ON SWEET NIGHT

0.5 out of 10

Release Date: 7th September 2015

Director: Tony Britten (ChickLit)

Cast: Mark Arends, Doon Mackichan, Sophia Di Martino, Ania Sowinski with Nicky Henson and Christian McKay

Writer: Tony Britten

Trailer: DRAW ON SWEET NIGHT

draw-on-sweet-night-334892-poster

One thing worse than watching a low-budget horror film by teens and twenty-somethings that don’t have the first clue on how to making a piece of entertainment, is sitting through elitist, amateur dramatics masquerading as high-art. This painfully, stilted, boring and pompous telling of the life story of  17th century composer John Wilbye is as tortuous as I’ve ever experienced. I really thought it was a spoof from a Hale & Pace revue show but alas and alack its only accidentally funny, so poe-faced are the results.

As a docu-drama it fails to educate, as a drama it fails to engage or entertain and it’s just as wooden as the coffin I’m going to nail it in. Experienced actors blend with amateurs, yet they are made indistinguishable by a mysterous need for everybody to deliver their lines as if they are reading them from an autocue. It’s too stagey and brittle to convince on any level. I saw a naked boob at one point which was good though (that’s why it gets half a point).

John Wilbye, who is said to have written the best British madrigals lived in the employ / patronage of The Kitsons. This film shows him as he composes his music and seduces Lady Kitson and several other women. Set in a series of National Trust / English Heritage homes, somehow it still fails the authenticity test as every costume looks made especially for the film and all the sets look polished to death. The 17th century never looked so sparkling. Pity poor Christian McKay (RUSH) and Nicky Henson (GOZO) who have to had to endure this pompous plop. One day we’d like to hear how they got tricked into appearing in this boring vanity flick. What’s worse is that a parallel, modern day story runs parallel as a young singer is late for her recording. The sextet of John Wilbye fans bleat out Wilbye’s greatest hits at full pelt distracting the viewer from what poe-faced dialogue there is in the 17th century timeline. It’s a bad idea and makes a bad film, nigh on unwatchable…

The closest film  to which this resembles I can think of is Peter Greenaway’s Draughtsman’s Contract which is held in high regard by many a film fan. Think of this as a very pale facsimile without any of the intrigue, death or allure. It’s like the Madgrigal Composer’s Monotony…  Shit this pure should produce roses… Not this time.

0.5 out of 10 – Bore On Sweet Night. The worst biopic I’ll ever watch (hopefully).

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Doon Mackichan: Plebs (TV), Toast of London (TV), The Comic Strip Presents…(TV), Smack The Pony (TV), Brass Eye (TV), Stressed Eric (voice)(TV), Our Mutual Friend (TV), The Borrowers (1997)
  • Sophia Di Martino: The Darkest Universe, Black Pond, Casualty (TV)
  • Anya Sowinski: Eddie The Eagle
  • Nicky Henson: Gozo, We Still Steal The Old Way, Narcopolis, We Still Kill The Old Way, Truth or Dare, Eastenders (TV), Me Without You, Parting Shots, Shine On Harvey  Moon (TV), Anyone For Sex?, There’s a Girl In My Soup, The Death Wheelers, All Coppers Are…, Witchfinder General, The Frost Report (TV)
  • Christian McKay: ChickLit, Florence Foster Jenkins,  The Theory of Everything, Northern Soul, Rush (2013), Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Mr Nice, Me and Orson Welles

INFECTED aka CONTAINMENT

6 out of 10

Release Date: 11th September 2015

Director: Neil McEnery-West

Cast: Lee Ross, Sheila Reid, Andrew Leung, William Postlethwaite, Gabriel Senior with Pippa Nixon and Louise Brealey

Writer: Neil McEnery-West & David Lemon

Trailer: INFECTED

Review by Matt ‘Botchelism’ Usher below

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Lee Ross: I.D.2, Dusty & Me, Dawn of the Planet of The Apes, Locke (voice), Centurion, Eastenders (TV), Goal, Metroland, Rogue Trader, I.D., Secrets and Lies,  Hard Men, Press Gang (TV)
  • Sheila Reid: Benidorm (TV), The Bad Education Movie, Hush,The Winter Guest
  • Andrew Leung: Lilting, The List
  • Gabriel Senior: Desert Dancer
  • Pippa Nixon: Cuffs (TV)
  • Louise Brealey: Sherlock (TV), Ripper Street (TV), Casualty (TV)

BURNT

US/UK co-production

6 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release Date: 6th November 2015

Director: John Wells (Shameless (US)(TV)/ August- Osage County / Company Men)

Cast: Bradley Cooper, Sienna Miller, Daniel Bruhl, Omar Sy, Matthew Rhys, Sam Keeley, Riccardo Scamarcio, Lexie Benbow Hart, Sarah Greene, Henry Goodman, Lily James, Stephen Campbell Moore and Alicia Vikander with Uma Thurman and Emma Thompson

Writer: Stephen Knight

Trailer: BURNT

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Bradley Cooper: Guardians of the Galaxy 2 (voice), 10 Cloverfield Lane (voice), Joy, American Sniper, Serena, Guardians of the Galaxy (voice), Wet Hot American Summer (TV), American Hustle, The Hangover 3, Silver Linings Playbook, The Place Beyond The Pines, The Hangover 2, Limitless, The A-Team, Valentine’s Day, All About Steve, Case 39, The Hangover, Nip & Tuck (TV), He’s Just Not That Into You, Yes Man, Alias (TV), Failure To Launch, Kitchen Confidential (TV), My Little Eye, Wet Hot American Summer
  • Sienna Miller: High-Rise, Mississippi Grind, Burnt, Unfinished Business,  American Sniper, Foxcatcher, GI Joe, The Edge of Love, Stardust, Interview, Factory Girl, Casanova, Alfie (2004), Layer Cake
  • Daniel Bruhl: Captain America 3, Woman In Gold, The Face of an Angel, A Most Wanted Man, The Fifth Estate, Rush (2013), Intruders, 2 Days In New York, Inglourious Basterds, The Bourne Ultimatum, 2 Days In Paris, Ladies In Lavender, The Edukators, Goodbye Lenin!
  • Omar Sy: Inferno, Jurassic World, Samba, Good People, X-Men 4, Mood Indigo, The Intouchables, Mic Macs
  • Matthew Rhys: Death Comes To Pemberley (TV), Patagonia, The Edge of Love, Deathwatch, Shooters, Very Annie Mary, Sorted, Titus, Whatever Happened To Harold Smith, Elizabeth, House of America
  • Sam Keeley: Alley Cats, AfterDeath, Monsters 2, What Richard Did, This Is The Place
  • Riccardo Scamarcio: John Wick 2, Pasolini, Effie Gray, Third Person, My Brother Is An Only Child, Romanzo Criminale
  • Sarah Greene: Noble, Penny Dreadful (TV), Standby
  • Henry Goodman: Woman In Gold, Agents of SHIELD (TV), Avengers 2, Captain America 2, Yes Prime Minister (TV), Taking Woodstock, The Damned United, Green Street, Churchill – The Hollywood Years, The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, Notting Hill, The Saint (1997), Private Parts, Mary Reilly, Karaoke / Cold Lazarus (TV), Son of the Pink Panther, Queen of Hearts
  • Lily James: Baby Driver, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, War and Peace (TV), Downton Abbey (TV), Cinderella (2015), Broken (2013), Fast Girls, Wrath Of The Titans
  • Stephen Campbell Moore: The Ones Below, The Lady In The Van, Man Up, Johnny English 2, Season Of The Witch, The Bank Job,  The History Boys, Bright Young Things
  • Alicia Vikander: The Light Between Oceans, Jason Bourne 5, Tulip Fever, The Danish Girl, The Man From UNCLE, Seventh Son, Son of a Gun, Ex Machina, Testament of Youth, The Fifth Estate, Anna Karenina (2012), A Royal Affair
  • Uma Thurman: The Slap (TV), Movie 43, Nymphomaniac, Playing For Keeps, Percy Jackson, Bel Ami, Motherhood, The Accidental Husband, The Life Before Her Eyes, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, The Producers (2005), Prime, Be Cool, Kill Bill 2, Paycheck, Kill Bill 1, Tape, The Golden Bowl, Sweet and Lowdown, The Avengers (1998), Les Miserables (1998), Gattaca, Batman & Robin,  The Truth About Cats & Dogs, Beautiful Girls, A Month By The Lake, Pulp Fiction, Even Cowgirls Get The Blues, Mad Dog & Glory, Jennifer 8, Final Analysis, Robin Hood (1991), Henry & June, Dangerous Liaisons, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Johnny Be Good
  • Emma Thompson: Beauty & The Beast (2016), Bridget Jones 3, The Legend of Barney Thompson, A Walk In The Woods, Effie Gray, The Love Punch, Saving Mr Banks, Beautiful Creatures (2013), Brave (voice), Men In Black 3, Harry Potter – parts 3, 4 & 8, Nanny McPhee 2, The Boat That Rocked, An Education, Last Chance Harvey, Brideshead Revisted, I Am Legend, Stranger Than Fiction, Nanny McPhee, Love Actually, Maybe Baby, Primary Colours, The Winter Guest, Sense and Sensibility, Carrington, Junior, My Father The Hero (1994), In The Name of the Father, The Remains of the Day, Much Ado About Nothing (1993), Peter’s Friends, Howard’s End, Dead Again, Impromptu, Henry V, The Tall Guy, Thompson (TV), Fortunes of War (TV), Tutti Frutti (TV), The Young Ones (TV)