1.5 out of 10
Release Date: 5th September 2016 (DVD Premiere)
Director: Steven M Smith (Haunted 5 / Haunted 4 / Haunted 3 / Haunted 2 / Borstal / Invasion Earth / Essex Boys – Law of Survival / Hooligans At War / Haunted (2013))
Cast: Darren James King, Chris Bell, Ryan Regis, Mark Wingett, Sharon Lawrence, Katie Alexander-Thom, Steve North, David Beck, Marcel Dorian, Mat Holt, Mark Sears, Sarah Rose Denton, Tony Fadil, Ian Hawke, Jemima Slade, Steven M Smith with Ben-Loyd Holmes and Jon-Paul Gates
Trailer: I AM HOOLIGAN
I Am Hooligan has one thing going for it. It’s not an Essex Boys movie. Actually make that two things, it actually contains scenes of hooliganism (unlike most films with the ‘H’ word in the title). Otherwise, I’m sad to report this is another thrown together bag of film offal. It’s a mixed bag of terrible scripting, uneven acting, basic plotting, bad grading, bad editing, a random clown, and inappropriate musical interludes. For once, the best aspect is the narration. Usually, narration doesn’t work, because it isn’t needed. In I Am Hooligan, at least there’s been some attempt to let the audiences see inside the hero’s confused head.
Justin’s (DARREN JAMES KING – INVASION EARTH) only friend Eddie (CHRIS BELL – HAUNTED 2) is a bit of a bore who’s always nagging at him to do better in life. When Kevin (RYAN REGIS) and his bunch of mates take him to the pub it turns out he’s got the right stuff when it comes to a tear up. When the gang decide to test Justin’s true mettle one night they trick him into attacking Eddie in an alley. This is when the wheels come off Justin’s descent in the a life of thugdom. But is it already too late? Is he doomed to lead a violent life? On top of all of this, his Dad (MARK WINGETT – THE BILL) is duffing up his Mum (SHARON LAWRENCE) every day and he’s got to stop it.
As basic as that sounds there’s still some confusing elements as opera music stalks our characters as they walk around the Thamesmead Estate, there are loose connections to A Clockwork Orange with scenes recreated and references come thick and fast. Look out for the glasses of milk, and the extended tableau in the milk bar, and then there’s the wonderfully bonkers cameo by Jon-Paul Gates (HAUNTED 2) as an assassin who’s walked straight out of an Twin Peaks audition – that’s my favourite bit. The main actors are OK but hamstrung by sub-Simon and The Witch level dialogue. The word ‘c*nt’ is shouted out and over emphasisesd at every opportunity and it gave me a head ache (poor me!). Poor Chris Bell is saddled with a duffer of a role, thrown in as Justin’s conscience and guardian angel he’s just an over moralising bore, with repetitive dialogue and he’s probably to blame for Justin’s transformation if you think about it. Elsewhere, Ryan Regis as Kevin is a terrible actor, and with such a dominant role he almost single handedly ruins the film, but even without him it would be a toxic turd.
Scenes are badly lit and mastered, and it’s another botch it and scarper job by Steve M Smith & Chris Bell. There’s no signs of improvement from their last flick Essex Boys – Law of Survival and it’s a bad thing if Steve M Smith’s earlier Haunted (2013) currently leads the way pointwise here at Britpic.wordpress, as that was pretty shonky.
1.5 out of 10 – Very slim pickings from Steve M Smith and Chris Bell. It’s very dopey, badly made, laughably sincere, tonally unsure and unintentionally funny.
Read below for another review
WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?
- Darren James King: Borstal, Invasion Earth, Blood Feud (dir), Essex Boys – Law of Survival, Looters Tooters and Sawn Off Shooters
- Chris Bell: Haunted 5, Haunted 4, Haunted 3, Haunted 2, Knights of the Damned, Simon, Robert 2, Essex Boys – Law of Survival, Hooligans At War
- Mark Wingett: Eliminators, Green Street 3, Run For Your Wife, Snow White & The Huntsman, War Of The Dead, Intruders, Franklyn, The Bill (TV), Quadrophenia
- Katie Alexander-Thom: Simon
- Steve North: Eastenders (TV), London’s Burning (TV)
- Marcel Dorian: Undercover (2017)
- Mat Holt: Gatwick Gangsters
- Mark Sears: Blood Feud
- Sarah Rose Denton: The Curse of the Witching Tree
- Ian Hawke: Haunted 5, Haunted 4
- Tony Fadil: Haunted 5, Borstal, Invasion Earth, Off-Piste
- Jemima Slade: Haunted 3, Haunted 2, Essex Boys – Law of Survival, Big Brother (TV)
- Steve M Smith: Haunted 5, Haunted 4, Haunted 2, Borstal (dir), Essex Boys: Law of Survival (dir), Hooligans At War (dir), Haunted (2013)
- Ben Loyd-Holmes: Carnivore, Knights of the Damned, Breaking Down, Extinction – Jurassic Predators, He Who Dares, The Hike
- Jon-Paul Gates: Haunted 5, Haunted 4, Haunted 3, Haunted 2, Borstal, Invasion Earth, Kicking Off, Hooligans At War, Haunted (2013)