MY COUSIN RACHEL

6.5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 9th June 2017

Director: Roger Michell (Le-Weekend / Hyde Park On The Hudson / Morning Glory / Venus / Enduring Love / The Mother / Changing Lanes / Notting Hill / Titanic Town / Persuasion)

Cast: Rachel Weisz, Sam Claflin, Iain Glen, Holliday Grainger, Andrew Havill, Poppy Lee Friar, Katherine Pearce, Tim Barlow, Bobby Scott Freeman, Andrew Knott, with Simon Russell Beale and Pierfrancesco Favino

Writer: Daphne DuMaurier / Roger Michell

Trailer: MY COUSIN RACHEL

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Rachel Weisz: Denial, The Light Between The Oceans, Youth (2016), The Lobster, Oz The Great and Powerful, 360,The Bourne Legacy, Dream House, The Deep Blue Sea (2011), The Lovely Bones, The Brothers Bloom, My Blueberry Nights, Eragon (voice), The Fountain, The Constant Gardner, Constantine, Runaway Jury, the Shape Of Things, About a Boy, The Mummy 1 & 2, Enemy At The Gates, Beautiful Creatures, I Want You, Land Girls, Bent, Chain Reaction, Stealing Beauty, Death Machine
  • Sam Claflin: Their Finest, Me Before You, The Huntsman – Winter’s War, Hunger Games – Mocking Jay 2, Love Rosie, Hunger Games- Mockingjay, The Riot Club,  The Quiet Ones, Hunger Games – Catch a Fire, Snow White and The Huntsman, Pirates of the Caribbean 4, United
  • Iain Glen: Eye In the Sky, Resident Evil 6, Beautiful Devils, Dusty and Me, The Bad Education Movie, Game of Thrones (TV), The Iron Lady, Kick Ass 2, Resident Evil 3,  Harry Brown, Kingdom Of Heaven, Resident Evil 2, Tomb Raider, Beautiful Creatures, The Young Americans, Silent Scream, Rosencrantz and Guilderstern Are Dead, Mountains Of The Moons, Gorillas In The Mist
  • Holliday Grainger: Halo of Stars (TV), Tulip Fever, The Finest Hours, Cinderella (2015), The Riot Club, Great Expectations (2012)Anna Karenina (2012)Bel AmiJane Eyre (2011)The Scouting Book For Boys, Awaydays
  • Andrew Havill: The Children Act, The Carer, Dad’s Army (2016), Hyde Park On The Hudson
  • Poppy Lee Friar: Mr Selfridge (TV)
  • Katherine Pearce: England Is Mine
  • Tim Barlow: Derek (TV), The Christmas Candle, Hot Fuzz, Cousin Bette, The Tall Guy, Dr Who (TV)
  • Andrew Knott: Spike Island, Sex & Drugs & Rock-n-Roll,  In Our Name, The History Boys, Where The Heart Is (TV), Black Beauty (1994), The Secret Garden
  • Simon Russell Beale: Museo, The Death of Stalin, Penny Dreadful (TV), The Legend of Tarzan, Into The Woods, MI-5 (TV), My Week Wtih Marilyn, The Deep Blue Sea (2011), Hamlet (1996), Persuasion, Orlando
  • Pierfrancesco Favino: Suburra, A Mother, Rush, World War Z, Angels & Demons, Miracle At St Anna, Night At The Museum, Romanzo Criminale

 

 

MINDHORN

8.5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 5th May 2017

Director: Sean Foley

cast: Julian Barratt, Essie Davis, Andrea Riseborough, Russell Tovey, Simon Farnaby, Richard McCabe, David Schofield, Nicholas Farrell, Jessica Barden, Harriett Walter, Simon Callow, Robin Morrissey, Jordan Long, Neil Edmond, Tony Way with Kenneth Branagh and Steve Coogan

Writer: Julian Barratt & Simon Farnaby

Trailer: MINDHORN

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Julian Barratt: Brakes, Aaaaaaaaah!, The Harry Hill Movie, A Field In England, Bunny and The Bull, Nathan Barley (TV), The Mighty Boosh (TV)
  • Essie Davis: Game of Thrones (TV), Assassin’s Creed, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries (TV), The Babadook, The Slap (TV), Isolation, Cloud Street (TV), Legend of the Guardians – The Owls of Ga’Hoole (voice), Australia, The Matrix 3, Code 46, The Girl With The Pearl Earring, The Matrix 2, The Custodian
  • Andrea Riseborough: Battle of the Sexes, Nocturnal Animals, Birdman, Oblivion, Welcome To The PunchShadow DancerW/EBrighton Rock ( 2011)Never Let Me Go, Made In Dagenham, Happy Go Lucky
  • Russell Tovey: The Hippopotamus, The Pass, The Lady In The Van, Blackwood, Effie Gray, Pride (2014), Muppets Most Wanted, Grabbers, Tower Block, The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists (voice), Huge, The History Boys, Being Human (TV)
  • Simon Farnaby: Bill, Yonderland (TV), Paddington, Horrible Histories (TV), All Stars, Burke and Hare, Your Highness, Bunny and The Bull, The Mighty Boosh (TV)
  • Richard McCabe: Goodbye Christopher Robin, Poldark (TV), Eye In The Sky, Wallander (TV), Indian Summers (TV), Nightwatching
  • David Schofield: Da Vinci’s Demons (TV), The Last Passenger, All Things To All Men, Ghosted F, Burke and HareDevil’s Bridge, The Pirates Of The Caribbean 1 – 3, The Wolfman, Valkyrie, The Musketeer, From Hell, Gladiator (2000), Anna Karenina (1997), An American Werewolf In London
  • Nicholas Farrell: Another Mother’s Son, Remainder, Legend (2015), Grace of Monaco, Summer In February, The Iron Lady, Driving Lessons, Charlotte Gray, Beautiful People, Hamlet (1996), Twelfth Night (1996), Othello (1995), In The Bleak Midwinter, Greystoke – The Legend Of Tarzan, Chariots Of Fire
  • Jessica Barden: Penny Dreadful (TV), The Lobster, Comedown, In The Dark Half, Hanna, Tamara Drewe, Coronation Street (TV)
  • Harriet Walter: The Sense of an Ending, Black Sails (TV), Call The Midwife (TV), Star Wars – The Force Awakens, Man Up, Suite Francaise, Downton Abbey (TV), The Assets (TV),  The Wedding Video (2012), Morris – A Life With Bells On, Law & Order UK (TV), Cheri, Atonement, Babel, Chromophobia, Onegin, The Governess, Bedrooms & Hallways, Keep The Aspidistra Flying, The Leading Man, The Hour of The Pig, Sense & Sensibility
  • Simon Callow: Victoria and Abdul, Hampstead, Viceroy’s House, Golden Years, Outlander (TV), Love’s Kitchen, Ripley Underground, The Phantom of the Opera (2004), Bright Young Things, Thunderpants, No Man’s Land, Shakespeare In Love, Bedrooms and Hallways, The Scarlet Tunic, James and The Giant Peach (voice), Ace Ventura 2, Jefferson In Paris, Streetfighter, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Soft Top Hard Shoulder, Mr & Mrs Bridge, Postcards From The Edge, Maurice, A Room With a View, Amadeus
  • Jordan Long: Eat Local
  • Tony Way: Trespass Against Us, Identicals, Aaaaaaaah!, High-Rise, Convenience, The Riot Club, The Edge of Tomorrow, Sightseers, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2012), Down Terrace
  • Kenneth Branagh: Murder on the Orient Express (dir)(2017), Dunkirk, Cinderella (dir), Jack Ryan, Thor (dir), Wallander (TV), The Boat That Rocked, Valkyrie, As You Like It (2006)(dir), Sleuth (dir), Five Children and It, Rabbit Proof Fence, Shackleton (TV), Love’s Labours Lost, The Theory of Flight, Wild Wild West, Celebrity, The Gingerbread Man, Hamlet (1996), A Midwinter’s Tale (dir), Othello (1995), Frankenstein (1994), Much Ado About Nothing (1993), Swing Kids, Peter’s Friends, Dead Again, Henry V (1989), Thompson (TV), Fortunes of War (TV), A Month In The Country, High Season
  • Steve Coogan: Stan and Ollie, Despicable Me 3 (voice), The Trip 3 (TV), Happyish (TV), Minions (voice), Night At The Museum 3, The Trip 2 (TV), Philomena, What Maisie Knew, Alan Partridge – Alpha Papa, Despicable Me 2 (voice), The Look Of Love, Ruby Sparks, The Trip (TV), The Other Guys, Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief, Night At The Museum 2, In The Loop, Tropic Thunder, Hamlet 2, Saxondale (TV), Hot Fuzz, Night At The Museum, Marie Antoinette, A Cock And Bull Story, Around The World In 80 Days (2004), Ella Enchanted, Coffee and Cigarettes, I’m Alan Partridge (TV), 24 Hour Party People, The Parole Officer, The Wind In The Willows (1996), Knowing Me Knowing You (TV), Coogan’s Run (TV), The Indian In The Cupboard, The Day Today (TV)

MAGIC BEYOND WORDS – THE JK ROWLING STORY

1.5 out of 10

Release date: 18th July 2011 (DVD premiere)

UK/Canada co-production

Director: Paul A Kaufman

Cast: Poppy Montgomery, Emily Holmes, Antonio Cupo, Janet Kidder, Andy Maton, Paul McGilling, Marie West, Lisa Norton

Writer: Jeffrey Berman & Tony Caballero

Trailer: MAGIC BEYOND WORDS

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I do understand the obvious fact that this film wasn’t made with me in mind. It’s still no excuse for palming fans of JK Rowling off with this slapdash, Hallmark Channel, biopic of the world’s most famous children’s author. I’ve never read a Harry Potter book, but I’ve seen the lamentable films, and on that evidence I have to say I could live without JK Rowling’s contributions to the world. However, I did find her life story, about her rise to fame and her dedication to becoming an author a true inspiration. It’s a real-life fairy tale for anybody that has a bit of talent and can work hard enough to win a shot at fame. This film fails to convey much of the struggle or the enormity of her achievement. Magic Beyond Words is in fact a bog standard, ‘births, marriages and death’ sprint through the highlights. You’d probably get more of an insight from reading the short JK biog at the back of her novels than watching this.

Poppy Montgomery (WITHOUT A TRACE) certainly looks the part, as JK Rowling, and battles valiantly with a lazy script. There’s not a single scrap of meat on the plot bone, as it ferries her version of JK from one scenario to another. One single scene, showing JK’s childhood games dressed as a witch some woods portrays her as a fun loving and imaginative child. It’s down hill from there. Her first marriage to a Portuguese gent, Georges (ANTONIO CUPO – AMERICAN MARY) whose story arc goes from handsome dreamboat hunk to abusive dick in less than 5 minutes. There’s no room for development of any of the characters anywhere. During the Edinburgh phase, we’re treated to a very light version of I, Daniel Blake, where JK struggles to make sense of the labyrinth British benefits system. Luckily, she found time to write her books. This is depicted in a few short scenes with a knackered typewriter and a stack of notebooks – total running time equals  exactly 20 seconds in the film – cue montages of flurrying fingers over a keyboard and empty coffee cups. Zzzzz, wake me when the cliches die.

Magic Beyond Words is an unofficial biopic. It’s existence has been ignored by the author herself and for good reason, it’s total shit.

1.5 out of 10 – Utterly lazy rush job adaptation made for undemanding children and idiots. Hardly the inspiring account of an genuinely interesting life most viewers would hope for. Tragic beyond turds. (ed. what are you, a six year old?)

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Poppy Montgomery: Unforgettable (TV), Without a Trace (TV)
  • Emily Holmes: The Shack, The Man In The High Castle (TV), Diary of a Wimpy Kid 3, Nightwatching, Snakes on a Plane
  • Antonio Cupo: American Mary
  • Janet Kidder: Arrow (TV), Ginger Snaps 2,  Bride of Chucky

MY NAME IS LENNY

3.5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 12th June 2017 (DVD premiere)

Director: Ron Scalpello (Pressure / Offender)

Cast: Josh Helman, Chanel Cresswell, Nick Moran, Charley Palmer-Rothwell, Jennifer Brooke, Michael Bisping, George Russo, Frankie Oatway, Nicola Duffett with John Hurt, Martin Askew and Rita Tushingham

Writer: Paul Van Carter & Martin Askew

Trailer: MY NAME IS LENNY

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Josh Helman: Wayward Pines (TV), X Men 6, Mad Max 4, X Men 5, Jack Reacher, Animal Kingdom, Home and Away (TV)
  • Chanel Cresswell: Trollied (TV), The Aliens (TV), This Is England 90 (TV), Bypass, This Is England 88 (TV), This Is England 86 (TV), This Is England
  • Nick Moran: Accident Man, The Habit of Beauty, Eat Local, Terminal, London Heist, Don’t Knock TwiceAge of Kill, Down Dog, Death (2014)St George’s DayThe Kid (2010) (dir), Goal 3, Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Pt 1 & 2, Telstar (dir), The Baby Juice Express, Puritan, The Musketeer, Another Life, Rancid Aluminium, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
  • Charley Palmer-Rothwell: iBoy, Legend (2015), The Guvnors, It’s a Lot
  • Jennifer Brooke: Hollyoaks (TV)
  • Michael Bisping: Triple Threat, xXx 3, The Anomaly, Plastic, Hollyoaks Later (TV), Beatdown
  • George Russo: London Heist, Bonded By Blood 2, Top Dog, I Am Soldier, Green Street 3Turnout, Zebra Crossing, Tony
  • Nicola Duffett: Gangsters Gamblers and Geezers, Family Affairs (TV), Shooting Fish, Eastenders (TV), Mad Dogs and Englishmen, Howard’s End
  • John Hurt: That Good Night, Damascus Cover, The Journey, Jackie, ChickLit, Snowpiercer, Hercules (2014), Only Lovers Left Alive, Doctor Who – Day of the Doctor, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy,  Immortals (2011), Brighton Rock (2011),  Harry Potter 1,7 & 8, Melancholia,  New York I Love You, 44 Inch Chest, The Limits Of Control, V For Vendetta, Hellboy 1 & 2, Outlander, Indiana Jones and The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, Perfume, The Oxford Murders, The Skeleton Key, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin,  The Proposition, Lost Souls, Contact, Night Train, You’re Dead, All The Little Animals, Love and Death On Long Island, WIld Bill (1995), Dead Man, Rob Roy, Second Best, Even Cowgirls Get The Blues, Monolith, King Ralph, The Field, Scandal, White Mischief, Heaven’s Gate, The Elephant Man, 1984, Watership Down (voice), Midnight Express, Alien, The Naked Civil Servant, 10 Rillington Place, Little Malcolm
  • Martin Askew: Snow In Paradise
  • Rita Tushingham: The Wee Man, Outside Bet, Swing (1999), Under The Skin, The Boy From Mercury, An Awfully Big Adventure, Resurrected, Bread (TV), The Leather Boys

MOLLY MOON & THE INCREDIBLE BOOK OF HYPNOTISM

3.5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 2nd December 2016

Director: Christopher N Rowley

Cast: Raffey Cassidy, Dominic Monaghan, Lesley Manville, Jadon Carnelly-Morris, Ben Miller, Sadie Frost, Annie-Marie Duff, Celia Imrie, Tallulah Evans, Tom Wisdom, Fern Deacon and Emily Watson with Omid Djalili, Gary Kemp and Joan Collins

Writer: Christopher N Rowley, Tom Butterworth, Georgia Bing, and Chris Hurford

Trailer: MOLLY MOON

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

MY FERAL HEART

8 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 4th November 2016

Director: Jane Gull

Cast: Steven Brandon, Shana Swash, Will Rastall, Eileen Pollock, Keith Chanter with Pixie Le Knot and Susanna Hamilton

Writer: Duncan Paveling

Trailer: MY FERAL HEART

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Shana Swash: Eastenders (TV)
  • Eileen Pollock: Bread (TV)
  • Susanna Hamilton: McCallum (TV), Casualty (TV), Tale of a Vampire, Wish Me Luck (TV), Out of Africa, 1984, Brimstone & Treacle, The Wildcats of St Trinians, Tess, Swallows and Amazons (1974)

MOTHER’S MILK

2 out of 10

Release Date: 9th November 2012

Director: Gerald Fox

Cast: Jack Davenport, Adrian Dunbar, Annabel Mullion, Thomas Underhill, Diana Quick, Annette Badland, Flora Montgomery, Robert Portal, Jane How and Margaret Tyzack

Writer: Gerald Fox / Edward St. Aubyn

Trailer: MOTHER’S MILK

mothers+milk

Mother’s Milk is a dreary, amateurish adaptation of Edward St.Aubyn‘s novel about a son (JACK DAVENPORT – THIS LIFE) who is about to be disinherited by his mother (MARGARET TYZACK – 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY). The mother intends to leave her mansion in the south of France to a hippie, health guru (ADRIAN DUNBAR – HEAR MY SONG). The son takes his family along for one last summer holiday in an attempt to reverse his fortunes. His young son (THOMAS UNDERHILL – PAPADOPOULOS & SONS) watches from a far contributing one of two unfunny, miserable and depressing narrations. His father does the other.

The miserable pair fail miserably at having a good time or achieving the mission to get the house back from the new age hippies. The father drinks whiskey and womanises, whilst the son just observes and feels jealous of his baby brother. It’s one sad set-piece after antoher which is so wobbly of tone, you’re not sure if you’re watching a comedy or a tragedy. It’s more the latter, because any attempts at humour are met with a groan. Both leads talk as if they’re confiding in you and that you’re actually in agreement with their schemes, when everybody in sight is a money grabbing toss pot. Actually, the supposed villain of the piece (Dunbar) actually comes across most sympathetic, even though he is a charlatan. At least he’s a nice one.

The pace is funereal and the scenes are shot with a laziness that is indemic throughout the film.  Pity the decent actors who are stymied by upper middle class cliches and a lack of tasty dialogue. I’ve not read the book but I don’t think I’d get much pleasure reading about this group of self-entitled, wimps, pissheads and ingrates.

2 out of 10 – Awful film. Makes you hate people with money. It’s so cack you end up rooting for the baddie!

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Jack Davenport: The Tank, Kingsman – The Secret Service, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 2, The Wedding Date, The Libertine, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Bunker, The Talented Mr Ripley, The Wisdom of Crocodiles
  • Adrian Dunbar: The Hollow Crown (TV), The Line of Duty (TV), Good Vibrations, Shooters, Wild About Harry, The Wedding Tackle, The General (1998), Richard III (1995), The Near Room, Innocent Lies, Widow’s Peak, The Crying Game, The Playboys, Hear My Song, My Left Foot
  • Annabel Mullion: Me Without You, Carrington
  • Thomas Underhill: Papadopoulos & Sons
  • Diana Quick: Dr Who (voice)(TV), Revenger’s Tragedy, The Affair of the Necklace, Saving Grace, Vigo, The Leading Man, Nostradamus, Wilt, Vroom, Brideshead Revisited (TV), The Big Sleep, The Duellists
  • Annette Badland: Eastenders (TV), Outlander (TV), Legacy – Black Ops, Three and Out, Cutting It (TV), Dr Who (TV), Valiant (voice), Club Le Monde, Honest, Little Voice, 24-7 – Twentyfourseven, Hollow Reed, Angels and Insects, Captives, Beyond Bedlam, Anchoress, Making Out (TV), Bergerac (TV), Jabberwocky
  • Flora Montgomery: Basic Instinct 2, When Brendan Met Trudy
  • Robert Portal: Eat Local, 6 Days, Kids In Love, United We FallMr Turner, In Your Dreams, Stiff Upper Lips, Mrs Dalloway
  • Jane How: Eastenders (TV), Dr Who (TV)
  • Margaret Tyzack: Match Point, Bright Young Things, Mrs Dalloway, The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles (TV), The King’s Whore, Prick Up Your Ears, The Quatermass Conclusion, I Claudius (TV), A Clockwork Orange, Jackanory (TV), 2001 – A Space Odyssey