3 out of 10


Release Date: 22nd May 2015

Director: John Henderson (Benidorm (TV) / Saxondale (TV) / Hyperdrive (TV) / Greyfriars Bobby / Bring Me The Head of Mavis Davis / Loch Ness / Spitting Image (TV))

Cast: Bobby Lockwood, Richard Wisker, Shannon Flynn, Dionne Bromfield, George Sear, Ethan Lawrence, Louisa Connolly-Burnham, Tyger Drew Honey, Nathan Bryon, Marcus Brigstocke with David Mitchell, Kevin Eldon and Angus Barnett

Writer: Toby Davies



  • Bobby Lockwood: Access All Areas, Mum’s List, Wolfblood (TV), House of Anubis (TV)
  • Richard Wisker: Dani’s Castle (TV), Friday Download (TV), Tracey Beaker Returns (TV), The Tracey Beaker Survival Files (TV)
  • Shannon Flynn: Dani’s Castle (TV), Waterloo Road (TV), Friday Download (TV)
  • Dionne Bromfield: Friday Download (TV)
  • George Sear: Friday Download (TV)
  • Ethan Lawrence: The Bad Education Movie, Bad Education (TV)
  • Louisa Connolly-Burnham: Time Will Tell, Wolfblood (TV), House of Anubis (TV)
  • Tyger Drew-Honey: Horrible Henry Movie
  • Marcus Brigstocke: Have I Got News For You (TV), The Wright Stuff (TV), The Late Edition (TV), What’s The Problem? (TV)
  • David Mitchell: Ambassadors (TV), Peep Show (TV), QI (TV),  Have I Got News For You? (TV), That Mitchell and Webb Look (TV), David Mitchell’s Soap Box (TV), Magicians, I Could Never Be Your Woman, The Mitchell and Webb Situation (TV), The Jack Doherty Show (TV)
  • Kevin Eldon: The Comedian’s Guide To Survival, Danger Mouse (voice)(TV), Set Fire To The Stars, The Wedding Video, Faintheart, Hyperdrive (TV), Hot Fuzz, Nathan Barley (TV)
  • Angus Barnett: Pirates of the Caribbean 5, The Wedding Video, Pirates Of The Caribbean 3, Flood, Pirates Of The Caribbean


6 out of 10


Release Date: 11th December 2009

Director: Alexis dos Santos

Cast: Deborah Francois, Fernando Tielve, Michiel Huismann, Iddo Goldberg, Katia Winter, Alexis dos Santos, Al Weaver, Lucy Tillett, Tim Plester and Richard Lintern

Writer: Alexis dos Santos



  • Deborah Francois: Populaire, The Monk, The Page Turner, L’Enfant
  • Fernanado Tielve: Fernando’s Ghost, The Devil’s Backbone
  • Michiel Huismann: Game of Thrones (TV), The Age of Adeline, Wild, Treme (TV), World War Z, Black Book
  • Iddo Goldberg: The Last Passenger, Peaky Blinders (TV), The Tournament, Secret Diary Of a Call Girl (TV), Defiance
  • Katia Winter: 1066, LVJ, Knight of Cups, Everywhere + Nowhere, Sleepy Hollow (TV), Dexter (TV)
  • Al Weaver: The Last Photograph, Consider Yourself, We Are Tourists, Kill Your Friends, Honeymooner, Powder (2011)
  • Tim Plester: Bone In The Threat, Captain Webb, Love Me Till Monday, Cuban Fury, Magicians, Control
  • Richard Lintern: Heartbeat (TV), The House of Elliott (TV)


2.5 out of 10

Release Date: 12th June 2015

Director: Russell England

Cast: Ameet Chana, Poppy Drayton, Thomas Law, Marcus Griffiths, Morgane Polanski, Rachel Petladwala, Paul Raschid, Andrew Lewis and Will Thorp

Writer: Paul Raschid


Unhallowed-Ground-PosterSomebody’s been overdosing on Scooby Doo! Out of all the haunted house movies I’ve ever seen this is the one that resembles the plot template to every single episode of the popular ghost busting cartoon dog show.  The only thing missing was a dog. Well, the dog is the finished movie really.

The makers left suspense at home on this occasion and thought that they could swap the usual band of frightened team of self-loathers with a bunch of posh school kids playing at soldiers on their last night at boarding school.  Said poshos get given this task 350 years to the day that four head boys where ritualistically murdered during the days of the bubonic plague. Uncanny shadows with glowing eyes turn up in unexpected places whilst the kids carry on oblivously working out their place in the world and amongst their peers. Meanwhile, a pair of really thick cat burglars (AMEET CHANA and WILL THORP) turn up to raid the school archive to steal some first editions books. So our plummy Famous 5 (or 6 in this case) split up and look for clues as to what’s making noises, duffing up the Asian characters and throwing spiders into shower cublicles. I think “Lets split up!” is one of the main bits of dialogue. Even with the added peril of having a human threat (the burglars) as well as the ghosts, the scare level is dialled down to around 1 out of 10. It seems to take an age for the ghostly spirits to attack anybody.

The acting is reasonable by the whole of the cast, yet the script and story is so clunky that any potential it does have leaks away before the mystery is solved. The unmasking of the non-supernatural killers is very Scooby Doo. I think the baddie even says “I would’ve gotten away with it if wasn’t for you…blah, blah…”

The setting is fairly creepy but the whole film is bloodless and fairly boring for a horror. The only fairly well-known actor is Ameet Chana (WILD WEST) who was in Eastenders for a long time. Subsequently, he hogs top billing but he’s not the main character and he seems to be fairly relieved when it’s his turn to go home.

The DVD box gets a mention for being the most misleading cover ever. It has an American style ranch house on the front, not a boarding school (ala Stow) (not the picture included above). The written description also describes the plot to an altogether different film which sounds no better than the effort enclosed. It’s like the synopsis was written long before the film got finished and the wrong word.doc got sent to the PR / Copywriters. It talks about a haunted derelict house on the moors where a group of friends take shelter for the night? The mind boggles.

2.5 out of 10 – All potential is lost by a lack of pace and fear. There’s nothing new to report in this flat exercise in how to make a horror with zero number of scares. Well acted but slight and ultimately botched.

Read below for second review.


  • Ameet Chana: Cash and Curry, Eastenders (TV), The Story of F*ck, Bend It Like Beckham, Wild West
  • Poppy Drayton: Down Dog
  • Thomas Law: Eastenders (TV)
  • Rachel Petladwala: MI High (TV)
  • Andrew Lewis: Holby City (TV)
  • Will Thorp: Coronation Street (TV), Dr Who (TV), Casualty (TV)


3 out of 10

Release Date: 26th January 2015 (DVD Premiere)

Director: Gary Sinyor (In Your Dreams / The Bachelor / Stiff Upper Lips / Solitaire For 2 / Leon The Pig Farmer)

Cast: Jack Donnelly, Jonathan Broke, Ryan Pope, James Rastall, Matthew Avery, Robert Portal, Dana Haqjoo and Anouska Mond

Writer: Gary Sinyor


Review by Matt Usher below



7.5 out of 10

Release Date: 14th March 2014

Director: Jonathan Glazer (Birth / Sexy Beast)

Cast: Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy McWilliams, Michael Moreland, Scott Dymond, Joe Szula, Krystof Hadek and Paul Brannigan

Writer: Walter Campbell / Michel Faber




  • Scarlett Johansson: Captain America 3, The Jungle Book – Origins (voice), Hail Caesar, Avengers Assemble 2, Lucy (2014), Chef, Captain America 2, Her (voice), Don Jon, Hitchcock, Avengers Assemble, We Bought a Zoo, Iron Man 2, He’s Just Not That Into You, The Spirit, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, The Other Boleyn Girl, The Nanny Diaries, The Prestige, Black Dahlia, Scoop, The Island (2005), Match Point, In Good Company, A Good Woman, The Perfect Score, Girl With The Pearl Earring, Lost In Translation, Eight Legged Freaks, The Man Who Wasn’t There, Ghost World, Home Alone 3, The Horse Whisperer, North
  • Joe Szula: Neds
  • Paul Brannigan: Scottish Mussel, Beyond, Sunshine On Leith, The Angel’s Share


3.5 out of 10

Release Date: 18th May 2009 (DVD Premiere)

Director: Chee Keong Cheung (Bodyguard- A New Beginning)

Cast: Mark Strange, Fidel Nanton, Leonard Fenton, Nathan Lewis, Joey Ansah, Zara Phythian, Dave Wong, Sophie Linfield, Leon Sua, Liang Yang, Glenn Salvage, Beau Fowler, Shane Steyn, William Mickleburgh, Scott Houston, Chris Smith with Gordon Alexander, Gary Webster and Danny John-Jules

Writer: Chee Keong Cheung


images-1Underground gets one thing right, excellent fight choreography. And that’s exactly why this film exists, it’s a fight film. Fans of mixed martial arts will have the fights on rewind and the talking on fast forward. This is your standard Bloodsport retread, twelve cardboard cutouts battle for a cash prize whilst a cartel adjudicate and raise the stakes for some very rich business men who are watching remotely. Obviously, only one of the 12 will be going home with the money – several of which are professional fighters but some are there because they are desperate for the money to get them out of deep hole (zzzz what were you saying? There’s a plot?).

A film of two halves, all the heavy stunt work is done downstairs on the shop floor and all the acting is done upstairs in the office. Neither world troubles the other one until nearer the end. So whilst the 12 stuntmen- cum part time actors duke it out for first place, the real actors bitch and posture trying to out deal each other by pitting their best fighter against another rich opponent’s fighter. It’s a loaded dice as each rich guy is given two fighters at the beginning, so if they have a weak guy that’s set in stone – ill thought out rules. But hey, not my money. Amongst the business men are TV stalwarts Gary Webster (MINDER), Danny John-Jules (RED DWARF) and for all those wondering where Dr. Legg was all those weeks between his appearances in Eastenders, Leonard Fenton (THE ZOMBIE DIARIES) and they do the only lifting required in the acting department (stunt work equivalent for the lunks downstairs). Downstairs the only two with real acting credentials are the wooden Zara Phythian (HE WHO DARES) and the slightly more talented Joey Ansah (GREEN STREET 3) but neither of them get to be the hero (SPOILER!). No the hero is stuntman Mark Strange who plays The Homeless. I almost forgot, to make the cardboard characters extra stiff, none of them have names: instead we get The Model, The Teacher, The Priest, The Foreigner etc. Very boring. Not much seems to be at stake for any of them apart from getting their asses beat, most of the  characters get to go home with a ‘blankety blank cheque book and pen’ too. The reason for a movie like this is that usually the tournament that is centre to the tale is usually a stand out bout in which characters buck the trend or wreck proceedings for future years, but in  Underground it seems like they picked a ‘filler’ year. There’s one winner and eleven losers – wow! It just seems to be business as usual.  There might be a sequel but the stakes are too low for this to engage to invest in any of the fighters. The closest thing we get to a protagonist is Leonard Fenton and later Mark Strange (who also produces – surprise surprise!) once the field thins out – maybe it’s being experimental. A flick with no characters. The whole film has a remarkably stripped down feel, it wishes it was sleek but that will come with larger budgets.

The filmmakers certainly know how to shoot a fight and cast talented fighters. To say it’s for people with low attention spans is an insult to the work that’s gone into framing these wonderful fight scenes, so fans of fighting could do a lot worse than tune in. But like I said, fast forward the slim traces of story line just like you would if you were watching a porno – in fact Underground is the absolute polar opposite of an art house movie. Red Dwarf fans get in line for a good Danny John Jules role too. He has much fun as the closest this film has to an antagonist. It’s weird how this is the only film I’ve ever rated him in!

3.5 out of 10 – Action fans only. This is a pure action film almost to the point of pushing the need for individual characters out of the film completely. Stunning fight work save this bargain basement tribute to Bloodsport or Kick Boxer from being a total loss but it’s not for everybody! But then nor is Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

Second review below by Matt CRUSHER Usher 



1 out of 10

Release Date: 28th September 2009 (DVD Premiere)

Director: Xavier Leret 

Cast: Mat Fraser, Frank Harper, Helen Watkins, Faye Tozer, Dan Poole, Adam Saint, Forbes KB, Beau Baptist with Ewan Ross and Terry Stone

Writer: Xavier Leret



Just like Dr. Dre publicly refusing to admit his involvement in the World Class Wreckin’ Cru’ before he joined NWA, pretty much everybody involved in, produced Jonathan Sothcott included,  Unarmed and Dangerous probably goes into a similarly embarrassed frenzy of denial whenever this film’s brought up. But here it is. Previously entitled Kung Fu Flid the movie is still widely available from all the usual sales portals to haunt everybody that thought they had shook this abortion off. Unarmed and Dangerous is a horrendous comedy bypass  that ends up sat on the top of ‘bad taste’ mountain and you’ll never see a bigger divide between what an audience wants and what a filmmaker/entertainer thinks you want. The only thing Unarmed and Dangerous has going for it was the idea to change the original title into something anonymous and generic – that way it may get missed amongst all the Jeff Wincott and Thomas Ian Griffith actioners the title reminds me of (or worse – picked up by accident!) Even its attempts at being a tribute to Blacksploitation movies of the late 60s and 70s are weak and may even be incidental.

Polymath Mat Fraser (INBRED) has turned his talents to acting, music, stand up comedy, public speaker and dance. He’s a beacon of ‘can-do’ for disabled people having excelled in many fields. Born with no lower arms and limited use of his hands he has carved a niche as an important spokesman for the disabled minority in the UK. Fraser himself describes Unarmed and Dangerous as a ‘criptsploitation’ movie and I’d be inclined to agree that this is an accurate description of what could be a legit genre – however this film is so bad, there’s no sign of wit, good writing, good performances or any reason to watch this.  Being a genre first doesn’t earn it enough good will. Mat Fraser is a good actor but despite all his misguided attempts to give a committed performance, he’s defeated by the sheer lack of quality across the board.

The plot is a simple revenge – seek and destroy plot – where Jimmy Loveit (MAT FRASER) faces off against Mr Big (FRANK HARPER – VICTIM) who kidnaps his daughter and wife after breaking into the wrong house. Also Mr Big’s son gets his balls shot off by Jimmy. So a balancing of the scales is needed.  Jimmy Loveit is not afraid as he is a kick-boxing menace with his own Rocky-style trainer (TERRY STONE – GET LUCKY). Will he beat the clock and save his family?

Several good action set pieces are ruined by bad choreography and terrible editing ensuring that any chances of this shit getting redeemed by some cool fights are quickly nixed. The tone is uneven as well. One moment we’re enduring a very, very long and unflinching torture scene  featuring some very slow and painful deaths then we’re watching a comedy death in which  a character gets acid tipped on their head  and melts cartoon style.  Elsewhere Mat Fraser is doing Tyrannosaurus Rex impressions half way through what seems to be a David Lynch tribute act – the next somebody is having their bullet holes probed with dirty fingers?  The whole thing  is a mess. And it should rightfully be buried beneath a mile of the stinkiest manure and landfill.  Un-PC issues in comedy need to be tackled by people with an ear for humour, intelligence and an ability to write good dialogue, and although everybody that was involved in this movie was in on the joke (what joke?), it ends up being an alienating and embarrassing, mess best avoided by your man on the street. Unarmed and Dangerous reeks of a private joke that should never have been shown to the public at large. Mat Fraser and co should have abandoned this at the post pub revelation stage. I’m not offended by a film calling itself ‘criptsploitation’, I’m just  put out by filmmakers thinking that this could ever have been a good idea in the first place.

1 out of 10 – A cheap and horrible attempt to launch Mat Fraser as an action star, but it falls into a lack-lustre bad taste comedy one minute and a blood soaked shocker the next.  Lumbering, slow, tired and a career worst for most people involved. When a movie is livened up by movie rent-a-plank, Ewan Ross (FALL OF THE ESSEX BOYS) you know you’ve got problems. Movie cholera. Avoid. A big UN-Thank you to everybody who made this.

Another terrible review below by Joe Pesci II aka Matt Usher